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Thread: Best Simp Stories

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    Default Best Simp Stories

    We all remember that one simp - the guy who just wasn't very lucky with the ladies, and would do ANYTHING to get/keep one - to the point where they get used and abused. Got any good stories? Here's a few:

    -A guy on my ship was a 24 year old virgin, and very socially inept. He'd constantly get fucked with over it; but the time where I decided that things were starting to get a little out of hand was when our ship was near the NOAA base in downtown Norfolk for repairs. A hot chick was walking down Brambleton Ave talking on her cellphone, and they told him to run down there and start talking to her - and it was a pretty good distance too, so he was literally sprinting toward her. He got to her and started talking, and she started pushing him out of the way while continuing to talk on her cellphone at the same time. When we left there about a month or two later, we made a port visit in New Orleans (during the fall); and I spotted him at a titty bar - hitting on the strippers, but using lovespeak... promising to love them forever, treat them good, never leave... all that bullshit. I couldn't watch, so I intervened... told him about another bar down the street, and that I'd buy him a drink or two. He still kept talking for awhile, until the stripper asked for a tip - he confessed that he was broke, and she slapped in the face. The next day, he was in his crackerjacks - we were told that the locals will buy drinks for military down there. I was walking with him for a little bit, and there was a chick checking him out. I told him to go to talk to her, and that I'll stand her and make sure nothing bad happens. I didn't expect the convo to last long; but it did. I left them alone, and later that night... he got his first piece of ass.

    -A guy on my ship, who was still too junior to get single BAH; finds a chick to stay with out in town. To his credit, he was at least getting that and sex out of the deal. But... her house wasn't furnished. So, he decided to go to USA Discounters - one of those companies that targets the military - and completely furnishes her house. What happens right after that? She kicks him out. Unfortunately, he had a TS clearance, so not paying or telling the store to come get the furniture was out of the question. He was stuck paying for it.

    -A guy on my ship was a 34 year old virgin (yes, I said 34); and not by choice. You'd see big excitement on his face whenever an attractive female talked to him. Well, I reported onboard right before Thanksgiving; and one of the females onboard - who was okay looking - through a nice gesture, invited him over for Thanksgiving... since he had nowhere to go. She also asked him to bring some alcohol. Well... he took it the wrong the wrong way. So he started stalking her. The final straw came on Valentine's Day, when he got her chocolates, flowers, and a teddy bear. He eventually went to DRB, and it ended there. Later on, he moved onto a stripper - he even came back to the ship, talking about how he was engaged. Oh, and how they haven't had sex yet because she's saving herself for marriage (.....oooookay); and if I recall correctly, she had children. Every payday, it never failed - he'd go see her, and he'd be back to work the next day broke - and she didn't want to see him again until the next payday. We all tried to tell him what was going on, but he didn't want to listen. Like the previous guy, he furnished her house... AND paid her rent; even though he wasn't drawing BAH herself nor did she let him stay over. Eventually, she didn't want to deal with him anymore... and he took it so hard that he checked himself into the 5th floor at Portsmouth Naval Hospital. He was a Gunner's Mate; so he was taken out of that division and sent to deck.

    -On this same ship, we had a guy who was married - and was two years away from retirement. His wife was fucking his brother, and he knew it - and didn't do shit about it. In fact, for a period of time, he actually had to call his wife at the end of the day and ask her permission to come home. This didn't get resolved by the time I left the ship; and although everyone on the ship knew about this, he only shared this information himself with very few people on the ship. One other guy and I actually spoke of going over to his house and removing his brother; the only problem was, neither of us were among the few that he confided in. Him sharing that information was something that I saw as a cry for help; but that information wasn't shared with us; so we didn't get involved.

    Got any other good simp stories?
    Last edited by Rusty Jones; 08-22-2013 at 03:38 PM.
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    Default Re: Best Simp Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Rusty Jones View Post
    The next day, he was in his crackerjacks - we were told that the locals will buy drinks for military down there. I was walking with him for a little bit, and I was a chick checking him out. I told him to go to talk to her, and that I'll stand her and make sure nothing bad happens. I didn't expect the convo to last long; but it did. I left them alone, and later that night... he got his first piece of ass.
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    Default Re: Best Simp Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Pullinteeth View Post
    Is there something you need to tell us?
    Oops, fixed it. But hey... I don't think I'd make a good heterosexual chick. I'd probably be giving out pity fucks to dudes who need them.
    "We're not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people."

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    Default Re: Best Simp Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Rusty Jones View Post
    Oops, fixed it. But hey... I don't think I'd make a good heterosexual chick. I'd probably be giving out pity fucks to dudes who need them.
    If there's re-incarnation I want to come back as a lesbian.

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    Default Re: Best Simp Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Greg View Post
    If there's re-incarnation I want to come back as a lesbian.
    After thinking about it for a little bit... I couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine what life would be like without having a dick, nor would I want to. Scary thought.
    "We're not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people."

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    Default Re: Best Simp Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Rusty Jones View Post
    After thinking about it for a little bit... I couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine what life would be like without having a dick, nor would I want to. Scary thought.
    You are quite right. As an alpha male I have had, and still have, a lot of fun.

    I've had my share of regrets, but if I was given the option I'd do it all over again.

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