Okay, I’ll play along.
First, I’d bake several trays of Ex-lax brownies to give to the other contestants.
Next, I’d prepare a ridiculously long Air Force Amazing race in-processing checklist and start passing them around. It would have them doing a Canadian style version of the Right Start briefings and registering their vehicles with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Winnipeg.
I would also make up a bunch of gigantic read files that were full of confusing memos that referenced other memos whose sole purpose was to tell the reader to disregard the previous memo.
Third, I’d print up a bunch of counterfeit Golden Corral free meal coupons and place them in a prominent at the starting line and then I’d phone in a tip to the RCMP about Air Force Amazing Race contestants trafficking counterfeit Golden Corral coupons in Winnipeg.
Meanwhile, I’d be halfway to Hickam AFB while they are trying to finish in-processing while suffering from diarrhea and having the RCMP chase them.
Good enough for you?