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Thread: Do the military housewives hold all (or most of) the cards in the relationship?

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    Do the military housewives hold all (or most of) the cards in the relationship?

    These posts were moved in from another thread...

    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    That is why women hold all the cards. I'm good to go whenever. A woman, in general, needs a little more for it not to just be submitting in order to appease.
    When I say a "woman holds all the cards" in a marriage, I am talking about much more than sex, especially when the man is the sole financial provider for his family. Your wife can withhold sex anytime she chooses (and I am okay with that) and she can even refuse to cook and clean for you (and I am okay with that too), but if you withhold your paycheck from her for any reason no matter how valid, then you have committed an act of domestic violence. You may not be arrested for that act of domestic violence, but the family courts and the military would DEFINITELY consider it to be an act of domestic violence.

    You are just a figurehead in your family. Your wife holds all the real power in your family, i.e., she holds ALL the cards. She just lets you pretend that you have some say in what happens in your family.

    I have gone off topic, so I'll stop here. If you are interested in continuing this conversation, then let me know and I'll start a new thread. But I suspect that you don't want to continue this conversation. Reality is just too icky for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    Sure, start a new thread, and you can use this post.

    First of all, I'd never withhold my paycheck from my wife for any reason. We has a joint account and, as long as the bills are paid, we buy what we want. We don't ask permission of each other. It's not "her money" or "my money". It's ours. And I sure don't expect her to feel obligated to have sex with me whenever I want because I bring home the paycheck.

    As far as my wife holding all the cards in the relationship, I'm not sure where you got that. We were talking specifically about having sex when that statement was made. And what that statement meant was that since I'm always in the mood, it's up to her as to whether she's in the mood or not. If not, so be it.

    Neither of us hold all the cards as far as the relationship goes and it's a shame it seems that people can't determine the difference between a relationship and having sex within a relationship. We joke between us about her having the final say but, in reality, when it comes down to big decisions, she's pretty ok going with whatever I decide. She gave up far more than I did when we got married. She gave up a job, moved her and her son away from her family, over to England because that's where I was heading. I didn't make any sacrifices. She knew that if she wanted to be with me then she was going to have to give up most of her normal life.

    The other thing that makes it easy for us is that neither of us really get too worked up over anything. We don't fight. We very rarely even have disagreements. We NEVER argue about money. Once in awhile if there is something I really want to do or something she really wants to do then the other one will give in. Other than that it's pretty much "whatever".

    And I'm curious to know who's "reality" you are talking about because my reality is not too "icky" to talk about. My reality is as pretty close to perfect as far as living a happy life as I can imagine. I can't speak to your reality, but I'd guess it hasn't been very enjoyable.
    As Libertarians, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others

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    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    And I'm curious to know who's "reality" you are talking about because my reality is not too "icky" to talk about. My reality is as pretty close to perfect as far as living a happy life as I can imagine. I can't speak to your reality, but I'd guess it hasn't been very enjoyable.
    Nothing that you have written has changed the reality of the situation. Let's review the reality...

    1. A military housewife is not obligated to have sex with her hubby (and I am okay with that)

    2. A military housewife is not obligated to cook and clean for her hubby (and I am okay with that)

    3. A military housewife is not legally obligated to do anything for her hubby (and I am okay with that)

    4. A military service member has a legal obligation to financial support his wife. If a military service member withholds his paycheck from his wife, then he has committed an act of domestic violence. The military housewife has a legal right to her hubby's paycheck (that's the problem).

    ----------------------

    If you have a happy life, then I am very happy for you. You do however seem to be totally oblivious to the many domestic problems that so many military service members face. Many years ago, a co-worker of mine, a sharp first class, was ordered by the CO to pay his wife financial support. The fact that his wife walked out of the marriage and abandoned not only her hubby but also their child was considered totally and completely irrelevant by the CO. Heck, even you probably consider that fact to be irrelevant. I could go on and on with examples all day long. I also saw many military service members financially crushed by the family courts. Perhaps you don't really care about their problems and sufferings. If so, then that makes you a pretty lame Christian.

    -----------------------

    Here's an example why I think that the family laws don't make sense...

    1. Military service member with a 19 year old daughter. That military service member has NO legal obligation to do anything for his daughter. He can kick her out of his house anytime he chooses.

    2. Military service member with a 19 year old wife. That military service member is legally obligated financially support her. If that military service member does not financially support his wife, then he has committed an act of domestic violence.

    What makes the 19 year old wife so much more deserving of legal protections than the 19 year old daughter?

    -------------------

    If a military service member chooses to financially support his wife, then that is fine with me. I just don't believe the military service member should be legally obligated to financially support his wife, especially in this day and age.

    --------------------

    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    She gave up far more than I did when we got married. She gave up a job, moved her and her son away from her family, over to England because that's where I was heading. I didn't make any sacrifices. She knew that if she wanted to be with me then she was going to have to give up most of her normal life.
    So you married a single mom, you financially support her (and her son too?) and yet you think that she is the one who is making the sacrifice? Your perspective is very interesting.

    Question for all the men here: How many of you would consider it a "sacrifice" on your part if you gave up your job and moved to England because some person there was willing and happy to financially support you?
    As Libertarians, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others

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    Quote Originally Posted by USN - Retired View Post
    Nothing that you have written has changed the reality of the situation. Let's review the reality...

    1. A military housewife is not obligated to have sex with her hubby (and I am okay with that)

    2. A military housewife is not obligated to cook and clean for her hubby (and I am okay with that)

    3. A military housewife is not legally obligated to do anything for her hubby (and I am okay with that)

    4. A military service member has a legal obligation to financial support his wife. If a military service member withholds his paycheck from his wife, then he has committed an act of domestic violence. The military housewife has a legal right to her hubby's paycheck (that's the problem).
    And a military service member who is female also has the same obligation to her husband.

    ----------------------

    If you have a happy life, then I am very happy for you. You do however seem to be totally oblivious to the many domestic problems that so many military service members face. Many years ago, a co-worker of mine, a sharp first class, was ordered by the CO to pay his wife financial support. The fact that his wife walked out of the marriage and abandoned not only her hubby but also their child was considered totally and completely irrelevant by the CO. Heck, even you probably consider that fact to be irrelevant. I could go on and on with examples all day long. I also saw many military service members financially crushed by the family courts. Perhaps you don't really care about their problems and sufferings. If so, then that makes you a pretty lame Christian.

    -----------------------

    Here's an example why I think that the family laws don't make sense...

    1. Military service member with a 19 year old daughter. That military service member has NO legal obligation to do anything for his daughter. He can kick her out of his house anytime he chooses.

    2. Military service member with a 19 year old wife. That military service member is legally obligated financially support her. If that military service member does not financially support his wife, then he has committed an act of domestic violence.

    What makes the 19 year old wife so much more deserving of legal protections than the 19 year old daughter?

    -------------------

    If a military service member chooses to financially support his wife, then that is fine with me. I just don't believe the military service member should be legally obligated to financially support his wife, especially in this day and age.

    --------------------



    So you married a single mom, you financially support her (and her son too?) and yet you think that she is the one who is making the sacrifice? Your perspective is very interesting.

    Question for all the men here: How many of you would consider it a "sacrifice" on your part if you gave up your job and moved to England because some person there was willing and happy to financially support you?[/QUOTE]Yep. She gave up a lot. I gave up absolutely nothing. In fact, I gained a family.

    As far as family laws, I'm not sure how we got to that topic. I don't disagree at all that men get screwed when it comes to divorces and child support. I'm just not sure how that relates to the roles of a man and a woman in a marriage.

    Oh, and great try at trying to attack my Christianity by assuming that I think the woman should get everything during a divorce. Again, it's not relavent to our conversation.

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    I feel like I need to add something to clear up a misconception in this thread. USN-Retired implied above that a CO forced a military member to provide support to his wife. It is true that the military will force a person to provide support for their dependant but only up to the difference between single rate BAH and with dependant rate. This question came up at my last base and JAG got involved. There really isn't any specific amount in the regulation. JAG took the opinion that if you are being paid with dependant rate BAH on behalf of your dependant then you at least need to provide that much in support. For example if the single rate BAH for your area is $700 and with dependant is $1000 then you need to provide $300 worth of support in some form. The chain of command cannot force you to pay anything more than the additional $300 you recieve on behalf of the dependant.

    EDIT: Adding link to actual regulation. It is http://www.e-publishing.af.mil/share...AFI36-2906.pdf It states:

    Advise members of the Air Force policy that they are expected to provide adequate financial support to family members and the procedures which the family member may implement to obtain involuntary collection of support through garnishment or statutory allotments.” (Paragraph 3.2.1) It also states that military members “Will provide adequate financial support of a spouse or child or any other relative for which the member receives additional allowances for support. Members will also comply with the financial support provisions of a court order or written support agreement.” (Paragraph 7.2)

    The Air Force does not specify suggested amounts of support. If a commanding officer receives a complaint of non-support, they are supposed to require the service member to prove that they are supporting their family. The commanding officer is not permitted to define what level of support is considered adequate.


    Read more: http://paycheck-chronicles.military....#ixzz3HT11drxa
    The Paycheck Chronicles
    Last edited by SomeRandomGuy; 10-28-2014 at 06:48 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    And a military service member who is female also has the same obligation to her husband.
    That doesn't make it right. I don't think a female military service member should be obligated to financially support her hubby.

    Question: What would most people in our society think of a male military spouse who is complaining because his wife won't financially support him?

    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    I don't disagree at all that men get screwed when it comes to divorces and child support.
    I'm glad that we can find something to agree on.

    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    I'm just not sure how that relates to the roles of a man and a woman in a marriage.
    I would say that marriage and divorce are related subjects.

    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    As far as family laws, I'm not sure how we got to that topic.

    Again, it's not relavent to our conversation.
    It is now. That's why I started this new thread. I knew that you couldn't handle this conversation.
    As Libertarians, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others

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    Quote Originally Posted by SomeRandomGuy View Post
    I feel like I need to add something to clear up a misconception in this thread. USN-Retired implied above that a CO forced a military member to provide support to his wife. It is true that the military will force a person to provide support for their dependant but only up to the difference between single rate BAH and with dependant rate. This question came up at my last base and JAG got involved. There really isn't any specific amount in the regulation. JAG took the opinion that if you are being paid with dependant rate BAH on behalf of your dependant then you at least need to provide that much in support. For example if the single rate BAH for your area is $700 and with dependant is $1000 then you need to provide $300 worth of support in some form. The chain of command cannot force you to pay anything more than the additional $300 you recieve on behalf of the dependant.

    EDIT: Adding link to actual regulation. It is http://www.e-publishing.af.mil/share...AFI36-2906.pdf It states:

    You are not correct. Here is the correct info (at least for the Navy)...

    Chapter 15 of Naval Military Personnel Manual 1754-030, "Support of Family Members," provides a guide for family support in the absence of an agreement or court order. The financial obligation is expressed as a fraction of the sailor's "gross pay" (defined as base pay plus BAH, if entitled, but excludes all other allowances):
    • Spouse only: one-third of gross pay
    • Spouse and one minor child: one-half of gross pay
    • Spouse and two or more children: three-fifths of gross pay

    http://www.public.navy.mil/bupers-np...s/1754-030.pdf

    ---------------------------------

    Of course, the family courts can (and usually do) order the military service member to pay far more.
    As Libertarians, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others

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    Quote Originally Posted by USN - Retired View Post


    It is now. That's why I started this new thread. I knew that you couldn't handle this conversation.
    Why the attitude? I'm handling the conversation just fine. I guess you were just hoping that I'd disagree with you about guys getting screwed with family law. I don't. I'm with you on that. You win!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    Why the attitude?
    Me? Attitude? What attitude?


    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    I guess you were just hoping that I'd disagree with you about guys getting screwed with family law.
    I wasn't "hoping" that you would disagree with me on that point, but I certainly thought that you would disagree with me on that point.
    As Libertarians, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others

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    Quote Originally Posted by USN - Retired View Post
    Me? Attitude? What attitude?




    I wasn't "hoping" that you would disagree with me on that point, but I certainly thought that you would disagree with me on that point.
    Nope...I've seen several guys I've worked with get screwed when it comes to the money and custody. I've worked with a guy who's wife listed the names of 17 guys she slept with while he was deployed and still got custody and child support. There is no doubt that family law is on the side of the woman.

    However, that does nothing to prove that prostitution being legalized would make women "behave" better, nor is it about women, within a relationship, having the "upper hand", as they should, when it comes to deciding when it's time to have sex or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by USN - Retired View Post

    Question for all the men here: How many of you would consider it a "sacrifice" on your part if you gave up your job and moved to England because some person there was willing and happy to financially support you?
    That'd be the dog's bollocks.... were do Rainmaker sign up Mate?

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