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Thread: Test tube/adopted kids.. Should they know?

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    Test tube/adopted kids.. Should they know?

    Last night i saw one of the few Vince Vaughn films i actually loved, the Delivery man. But it did re-raise the question, of should those kids born via IVF (or those adopted out at birth) have a "Right" to know their parent(s).?

    Should those who donate via sperm/egg banks have a right to privacy/confidentiality?
    Who's right trumps the other?

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    Senior Member MACHINE666's Avatar
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    Re: Test tube/adopted kids.. Should they know?

    Good God, man! These kids aren't Gingers! They have souls! Of course they should know!


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    Senior Member Stalwart's Avatar
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    Re: Test tube/adopted kids.. Should they know?

    Our daughter is from China & we are not, so she will know. But in going through the classes to get our adoption approval, this subject came up. Some factors that play into the decision of the adoptive parents / birth parents in this are:

    1. How was the child conceived? Children placed for adoption who were conceived via rape & incest are often not told due to the circumstances.
    2. Is the adoption open or closed? In an open adoption, the birth mother maintains contact so the child would know.
    3. Does the birth mother want the child to know her? This is one that I think of often when I see photos on Facebook of people looking for their birth parents or hear of them searching for their birth parents. The decision to place a child for adoption is an unselfish but very difficult decision and many times the birth mothers do not want to revisit the emotional issues of the situation -- they do not want to be 'found'. This may be counter with the desires of the child who has made the decision to try to find them.

    But, should they know? It depends on the situation and circumstances and ultimately -- the child. Some children will be able to handle it/understand it better than others.

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    Re: Test tube/adopted kids.. Should they know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stalwart View Post
    - they do not want to be 'found'. This may be counter with the desires of the child who has made the decision to try to find them.

    But, should they know? It depends on the situation and circumstances and ultimately -- the child. Some children will be able to handle it/understand it better than others.
    That is the crux of it.. Should the right of the child to know override the right of the parent (if adopted out) or doner (if IVF) to stay anonymous.

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    Senior Member Stalwart's Avatar
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    Re: Test tube/adopted kids.. Should they know?

    Quote Originally Posted by garhkal View Post
    That is the crux of it.. Should the right of the child to know override the right of the parent (if adopted out) or doner (if IVF) to stay anonymous.

    That is a very hard question.

    My OPINION: No, unless there is an immediate medical need to locate the birth parents. It may be hard for the child, but if after that amount of time (18+ years) the birth parents still want to remain anonymous, they should have that respected.

    It would be really hard for our daughter, because of the foreign adoption and the Chinese were not sure of who her mother was. I spent six hours one day while there tracking down her abandonment notice that ran in the paper & also went to the park she was found in and took a lot of pictures. The park was across the street from the orphanage and she was placed in the center of a walkway ... So we think her mother wanted her to be found. I also took a lot of photos of the orphanage, her crib and the room she lived in for three years. I hope it is enough to satisfy any future curiosity and that we can answer any questions she will have.

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