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Thread: Marriage in the military

  1. #21
    Senior Member 71Fish's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by tiredretiredE7 View Post
    Yes, should have not gotten married ever to an American woman. I did not and will not EVER get married. I had the awesome experience of dating women from numerous European countries and American women in general do NOT help sustain a strained marriage. An example was a Dutch woman I was dating and I got into an in-depth conversion about why I never got married. Women in the Netherlands look at relationships very differently than American women because prostitution is legal in the entire country of the Netherlands so most women do not want to look like a prostitute and go out of their way to ensure they do not convey the perception of prostitute behavior. An example is some of the reasons American women will withhold sex from their husbands. Some typical examples are anger over the husband's failure to purchase flowers or some other meaningless gift for a birthday or anniversary. In the Netherlands this woman would be immediately branded as a prostitute because she is withholding sex since an expected monetary gift was not purchased. In America, women withhold sex for many other reason but most of the reasons are related to something material that requires money. The Dutch women I knew view this as unacceptable because it is very close to if not prostitution. I have discussed this with American women who ask me why I never got married the general response from the women is "I never looked at it like that".

    So here I am happily single for life watching many of the men around me struggle with dating American women and pay child support for other marriages.

    **This is not for the very few American women who have never withheld sex from their boyfriends/husbands over a forgotten gift.**
    If you're looking at marriage only from a sex point of view, you're looking at it very wrong.

    Edit: But you're correct about (most/many) American women. I want nothing to do with them.
    I did have some of the best sex with a German girlfriend.
    And my wife is from Argentina.

  2. #22
    Senior Member RobotChicken's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by tiredretiredE7 View Post
    Yes, should have not gotten married ever to an American woman. I did not and will not EVER get married. I had the awesome experience of dating women from numerous European countries and American women in general do NOT help sustain a strained marriage. An example was a Dutch woman I was dating and I got into an in-depth conversion about why I never got married. Women in the Netherlands look at relationships very differently than American women because prostitution is legal in the entire country of the Netherlands so most women do not want to look like a prostitute and go out of their way to ensure they do not convey the perception of prostitute behavior. An example is some of the reasons American women will withhold sex from their husbands. Some typical examples are anger over the husband's failure to purchase flowers or some other meaningless gift for a birthday or anniversary. In the Netherlands this woman would be immediately branded as a prostitute because she is withholding sex since an expected monetary gift was not purchased. In America, women withhold sex for many other reason but most of the reasons are related to something material that requires money. The Dutch women I knew view this as unacceptable because it is very close to if not prostitution. I have discussed this with American women who ask me why I never got married the general response from the women is "I never looked at it like that".

    So here I am happily single for life watching many of the men around me struggle with dating American women and pay child support for other marriages.

    **This is not for the very few American women who have never withheld sex from their boyfriends/husbands over a forgotten gift.**
    "Concur 'RET 7'; Am a Proud member of the 'SINK' club too!" LOL! (need look no farther then AD retirement 50/50 split for servicing charges..)

  3. #23
    Senior Member Rusty Jones's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by 71Fish View Post
    I don't have the stats, but based on my own personal experience and observation, I would say the military is somewhat higher than the civilian world. I think one factor especially for younger, people is waving that extra pay/base housing carrot in front of them. That causes people to make bad decisions, like get married before they are ready or even really know each other. If they did away with the extra pay (keep single and married at the same rate) that may reduce marriages, then reduced divorces would surely follow.
    I don't think that the difference in BAH is the problem. On average, the difference is only about $200 or less for each paygrade. Who the hell gets married for $200?

    The problem is the fact that people below a certain paygrade can't draw BAH ... AT ALL. So they marry in order to get out of the barracks/dorms.

    It's hard to fault them for that. The barracks/dorms doesn't exactly provide the "homey" atmosphere that being in the military has you longing for. Marriage also provides a sense of "stability" in one's life, that being in the military takes away from.

    If you ask me, I think the military does this on purpose. If you have dependants, you're more likely reenlist.

    Third factor relating to the looooong (sarcasm again) basic training. Chances are half the folks are virgins anyway, and the other half may have been laid only once or twice, but feel they've gone 6-8 whole weeks without "it" so they have to marry the first piece of ass they get after BMT.
    I don't think this is the case. Maybe it was back in the 80's, but EVERYONE is getting laid these days. Getting laid doesn't even make a teenage male "cool" anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by 71Fish View Post
    I agree, neither my wife or I are religious. I believe in the institution of marriage (and some should be institutionalized), plus it shows my commitment to her.
    I don't know the true origins, but marriage probably stems from religion. We'll have to get Rusty to chime in since he knows something about everything.
    Okay, I see a hook. I don't know what to do with it.
    "Well... Uber's going to "driverless" cars soon, and their research probably shows that they're a natural fit (when it comes to getting paid for doing nothing)."
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  4. #24
    Senior Member USN - Retired's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Measure Man View Post
    Does getting a divorce necessarily mean you should not have gotten married?

    Better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all?
    That sounds like propaganda from the divorce industry.

    Quote Originally Posted by Measure Man View Post
    Does getting a divorce necessarily mean you should not have gotten married?
    For most career military men, the answer is "yes", especially when they realize that they will lose a part of their military retirement pay.

    Quote Originally Posted by Measure Man View Post
    Better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all?
    Do you need marriage in order to have love?

  5. #25
    Senior Member technomage1's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Rusty Jones View Post
    I don't think that the difference in BAH is the problem. On average, the difference is only about $200 or less for each paygrade. Who the hell gets married for $200?

    The problem is the fact that people below a certain paygrade can't draw BAH ... AT ALL. So they marry in order to get out of the barracks/dorms.

    It's hard to fault them for that. The barracks/dorms doesn't exactly provide the "homey" atmosphere that being in the military has you longing for. Marriage also provides a sense of "stability" in one's life, that being in the military takes away from.

    If you ask me, I think the military does this on purpose. If you have dependants, you're more likely reenlist.



    I don't think this is the case. Maybe it was back in the 80's, but EVERYONE is getting laid these days. Getting laid doesn't even make a teenage male "cool" anymore.



    Okay, I see a hook. I don't know what to do with it.
    I don't know where the $200 comes from. As a single E7 mine is over $425 less per month than a married E7. I make about what a married E4 does in this area. Could be my area is the outlier but I don't know.

    Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't recommend getting married just to get more money. But you're right in pointing out junior enlisted get treated better when they're married.
    Newton's First Law of Motion

  6. #26
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    I had a friend get married to get out of the dorms (overseas). He married a bar girl from the Philippines.....it didn't last. You can take the girl out of the bar, but you will have a hard time taking the bar out of the girl.

  7. #27
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    I knew two couples that got married while I was in Tech School.

    Last I heard from them, both were going strong 20+ years later.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Silverback's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Measure Man View Post
    I knew two couples that got married while I was in Tech School.

    Last I heard from them, both were going strong 20+ years later.

    Wow! That is really rare. Good for them.

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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    Wow! That is really rare. Good for them.
    Well...I had an 8-month Tech School, so maybe that had something to do with it, now that I think about it.

  10. #30
    Senior Member CrustySMSgt's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    I know of very few people who haven't had a "practice marriage," me included. I stuck it out for 13 years, trying to make it work. Not to say I didn't play a part in the end result, but I do think I went more than half way to trying to fix the problems to no avail.

    I can't really say how things work in the civilian world, since after 28 years 99.9% of my friends have been military, but there are far more issues to deal with in the military than most civilians have to deal with. COnstant separations, developing bonds under "stress" like tech school and deployments, things like dorms pushing young people to interact/socialize off duty more than their civilian counterparts, leading to impulsive marriages or getting married just to get out of the dorms. Marriages of convinience to get a join spouse assignment, pressure from your high school sweetheart back home... and many more.

    The military lifestyle makes the stigma/ramifications of divorce less pervasive compared to most civilians. Get divorced in your little home town and you're stuck amongst all the folks you grew up with, your spouses friends/family... with the transient nature of the military you don't have long term ties with anyone you work/live with and a clean slate is only a PCS away.

    No doubt I did some dumb shit in my first marriage, and how I dealt with it taught me so much. Then I was lucky enough to marry another military member and DAMN is life so much easier. Other than the shitty part of the join spouse assignment system sucking and alternating deployments resulting in us having spent a total of 6 of the last 12 years stationed or deployed apart, it is SO nice to be married to someone who's been there/done that, and understands what it's like to be on the other end of a TDY/deployment. Life couldn't be better! And our E17 retirement pay is sure gonna be nice!
    "If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep the streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep the street so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well. "

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