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Thread: Marriage in the military

  1. #11
    Senior Member Shaken1976's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by jshiver15 View Post
    I used to be surprised by divorces in the Air Force, but now it is just common-place. I have friends who bring up talks about divorce before their first anniversary. I always tell them the same thing: the first couple of years will be the most trying. My wife and I have been together since 2002, I enlisted in 2006, and we married in 2007. Even with us being together for 5 years, the first year was pretty turbulent. It was a whole new way of life for the both of us. We were both home sick. I wasn't used to being in the Air Force yet. And shift work took its toll. But we stuck it out! We took our oath (to each other) seriously. I think there are way too many people, especially from my generation, that have no goddamn convictions.

    Shit happens, I get it. But I see people resorting to divorce at the drop of a hat. I know several females in the military who have been married at least 3 times. Not to single women out, just my observation. In fact, one girl I was in training with in 2010 had been in the Air Force for less than three years and had to change her name 3 separate times (her ex-husband was actually in the course with us, which made it awkward). But less than a year after that, she had re-married and divorced yet again.

    Even today, a "co-worker" made a comment about how I shouldn't apply my morals to other people. I had to explain, because it wasn't getting through to him, that I think there is a general responsibility to take your vowels seriously. Not for you, but for your partner. I just don't see why this isn't common perception. And in all honesty, it makes me sad.
    I tried very hard to make my marriage work. I stood by him through way more than most would. But it got to the point that it was taking a huge toll on my child and me. I coudn't do it anymore. I couldn't trust him to be clean and sober.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Insert clever quote here...

  2. #12
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by jshiver15 View Post
    I think there is a general responsibility to take your vowels seriously.
    rght! Whr wld scty b wtht vwls?

  3. #13
    Senior Member jshiver15's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Shaken1976 View Post
    I tried very hard to make my marriage work. I stood by him through way more than most would. But it got to the point that it was taking a huge toll on my child and me. I coudn't do it anymore. I couldn't trust him to be clean and sober.
    I'm vaguely familiar with your story and I have to side with your choice on this. Yes, it does happen that people aren't who they appear to be. But you seem to have your shit together and probably made a sound decision when it came to marrying this guy. But it just sounds like he wasn't holding up his end of the bargain and you had no choice but to cut your losses.

    However, I've literally seen people get divorced after only months of marriage because they honestly had no clue how much they disliked each other. Like I said, it makes me sad.
    Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't. -Pete Seeger

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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Does getting a divorce necessarily mean you should not have gotten married?

    Better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all?

  5. #15
    Senior Member jshiver15's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Measure Man View Post
    rght! Whr wld scty b wtht vwls?
    LMAO! You got me! I even looked at it before posting it and thinking "is that right?"

    Damn you, Absolut.
    Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't. -Pete Seeger

    Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. -Arnold Palmer

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    Senior Member jshiver15's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Measure Man View Post
    Does getting a divorce necessarily mean you should not have gotten married?

    Better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all?
    I would agree that it's not that big of a deal if all people were afforded the same rights to marriage. Not to threadjack, but it's 2013 and there are still states that don't recognize same sex marriage.

    </end threadjack>
    Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't. -Pete Seeger

    Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. -Arnold Palmer

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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Measure Man View Post
    Does getting a divorce necessarily mean you should not have gotten married?

    Better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all?
    I suppose it depends on the circumstances. I'm a believer that all experience (good or bad) is a good thing.
    “To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.” - Unknown

  8. #18
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Measure Man View Post
    Does getting a divorce necessarily mean you should not have gotten married?

    Better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all?
    Yes, should have not gotten married ever to an American woman. I did not and will not EVER get married. I had the awesome experience of dating women from numerous European countries and American women in general do NOT help sustain a strained marriage. An example was a Dutch woman I was dating and I got into an in-depth conversion about why I never got married. Women in the Netherlands look at relationships very differently than American women because prostitution is legal in the entire country of the Netherlands so most women do not want to look like a prostitute and go out of their way to ensure they do not convey the perception of prostitute behavior. An example is some of the reasons American women will withhold sex from their husbands. Some typical examples are anger over the husband's failure to purchase flowers or some other meaningless gift for a birthday or anniversary. In the Netherlands this woman would be immediately branded as a prostitute because she is withholding sex since an expected monetary gift was not purchased. In America, women withhold sex for many other reason but most of the reasons are related to something material that requires money. The Dutch women I knew view this as unacceptable because it is very close to if not prostitution. I have discussed this with American women who ask me why I never got married the general response from the women is "I never looked at it like that".

    So here I am happily single for life watching many of the men around me struggle with dating American women and pay child support for other marriages.

    **This is not for the very few American women who have never withheld sex from their boyfriends/husbands over a forgotten gift.**

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    Senior Member RobotChicken's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    "Cant even stay married to 'em; how do you work with them?"

  10. #20
    Senior Member USN - Retired's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage in the military

    Quote Originally Posted by Class5Kayaker View Post
    When I first saw your 3.5% statistic I was like, "No freaking way it's that's low."

    After reading the article, I realized that rate is for the number of people that got divorced for just that year . So if you look at it as 3.5% of the military population get divorced each year, and the entire population stays in for an overall average of 10 years (I'm just throwing that number out there), then you're looking at 35% overall # of personnel who have been divorced at some time during their career in the military. No way to hammer down the actual number due to how much turnover there is, but I'd say easily 35% if not closer to 50% (isn't that the statistic you always hear about America? 50% of all marriages end in divorce.)
    Astute observation.

    There are lies, damned lies and statistics. The military leadership likes to use the 3.5% number when talking about divorces in the military because 3.5% sounds like a small number and makes military divorce rate look small. Additionally, I wonder what data the military leadership used to calculate that 3.5% number? I suspect that the military leadership pulled that 3.5 % number out of their arse.

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