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Thread: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

  1. #11
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    Re: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

    I was active duty for 11 yrs married to active duty, now I'm a spouse. I had a combat related job in the AF. I'm not saying you're freaking out, but if you're constantly thinking about it, it will drain you. He is enjoying it, so why don't you enjo it as well. My wife was initially worried about it, but then she saw how much fun I was having and the crew I was hanging out with and she began to realize, we viewed it as another job and loved it. Life is less stressful that way. That's not saying there won't be times you shouldn't be nervous, that's a no brainer.

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    Senior Member drc100882's Avatar
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    Re: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Leah3388 View Post
    I've never dated anyone in the military so this is all very new to me. I also don't know much about it. But here is the situation.
    He is in the army and is an EOD Staff SGT. He is being deployed in September. He has been very helpful in explaining how things work. He's a very open man, and is preparing me for how hard this can be for both of us. I know it's not going to be easy and I'm prepared for that. He is doing very well with painting a picture of how this can be because this is his 4th deployment. I am willing to take this step with him as he is with me. I don't honestly know much about the army, and this is all very new to me. I am just trying to prepare myself and wanting to have support while he is gone. We have only been seeing each other for a short while, but seem to grow closer every day. We both want to give this a true chance, and I am just very nervous. I don't know what it is going to be like when he is gone. Although he has done his best to explain it to me, I wont truly know until the time comes. With him being an EOD it makes me more nervous to know how dangerous his job is. although he has been in the army for 10 years and is very experienced no situation is the same and that is what scares me the most. Has anyone else delt with similar situations? any advice would be greatly appreciated
    Hellooooo..... So I'm super late with this response but I've been doing military wife type things. So here goes...

    How long have you dated him? Just wondering. Your answer has no bearing on my answer.

    You wrote "I don't know what it is going to be like when he is gone." So... you know when you guys are off doing your own things for a few days and don't really talk a whole lot? That's what it will be like. He'll call when he calls. He'll email when he emails. That's that. Don't ask, don't beg, don't cry, don't demand that he keep you informed of every single minute of his deployed life because that's just insane. He'll be in touch. And if he's not in touch, but he's on Facebook posting awesome photos, then you'll know he's not that interested. That's not harsh, that's real life.

    Did he leave you with any people in his unit you can contact? Keep in mind you're a *girlfriend* not a *spouse* of this guy, so you're not *entitled* to information about him or his unit. But hanging out with the girls can be fun. I'd stay away from the ones that have more than one child or have been married for more than 5 years. I'd also avoid (like the plague) the super great spouses that ask you to babysit every Saturday night so she can get her kicks at the E-club. If he didn't introduce you to anyone (military or dependent) from his unit before he left, sorry chica... you're SOL. If he did, talk to them. They will either love or hate their life as a military dependent so choose your friends carefully.
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    Re: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by drc100882 View Post
    Hellooooo..... So I'm super late with this response but I've been doing military wife type things. So here goes...

    How long have you dated him? Just wondering. Your answer has no bearing on my answer.

    You wrote "I don't know what it is going to be like when he is gone." So... you know when you guys are off doing your own things for a few days and don't really talk a whole lot? That's what it will be like. He'll call when he calls. He'll email when he emails. That's that. Don't ask, don't beg, don't cry, don't demand that he keep you informed of every single minute of his deployed life because that's just insane. He'll be in touch. And if he's not in touch, but he's on Facebook posting awesome photos, then you'll know he's not that interested. That's not harsh, that's real life.

    Did he leave you with any people in his unit you can contact? Keep in mind you're a *girlfriend* not a *spouse* of this guy, so you're not *entitled* to information about him or his unit. But hanging out with the girls can be fun. I'd stay away from the ones that have more than one child or have been married for more than 5 years. I'd also avoid (like the plague) the super great spouses that ask you to babysit every Saturday night so she can get her kicks at the E-club. If he didn't introduce you to anyone (military or dependent) from his unit before he left, sorry chica... you're SOL. If he did, talk to them. They will either love or hate their life as a military dependent so choose your friends carefully.
    We've been dating for about 4months "officially" if you want to go by making it public. But we've been talking for sometime before that because he is from my home area but stationed elsewhere. He's been deployed for a few weeks and nothing has changed expect obviously we didn't talk much but every couple days at first because he didn't have an issued phone yet. But now that he does we talk everyday just as we did when he was back in the states. I think I was more concerned with being overly worried but it hasn't seemed to happen at all. I feel more assured by the way he is so happy and the relief in his voice when we can talk on the phone that makes things easy.
    I don't ask about his deployment because one I know he can only say so much and two I know talking to me is sort of an escape from all the things going on there. When he does talk about it (what he can say) I listen and chime in as appropriate. And when he seems down about things I just reassure him that I am here for him and that I love him and that when it comes time to come home I will be here.
    With his unit, he isn't "close" with anyone but his team which is there with him. I have contact with his family which is here in our home state, but other than that, that's all I have in regards to that question. I do have contact with his friends that are from other states but other that his family here that's what I got. Like I said the people he is closest to are with him overseas. And I do have contact with them as well, mostly in the sense they want cookies ASAP. Lol.
    I think I was preparing for the worst before he left, and now that he is there and I know there will be times of hardship but it's not nearly what I thought it would be like. And Same for him he's said, the two others he has dated while overseas were crazy crying and begging,as you stated not to do before. I'm not that kinda of person to act as such. I was more nervous because I have never been in the situation before and it's so new and I didn't know how I would handle it. But everything seems to be going great considering if much rather him be home, but he loves what he does and I don't see how I couldn't support something he feels so strongly and passionate about.
    Thank you for your reply, I appreciate your advice and will certainly keep that in mind if panic should arise.

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    Re: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

    Just be the real you. If he loves you the way you are that's better.

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    Re: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by fastaviationdata View Post
    Just be the real you. If he loves you the way you are that's better.
    Thank you for the advice. I have always been myself since the first time we met, maybe that's what makes things so easy and he has been the same. Neither of us have anytime to be something that were not, so we are very honest about everything.

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    Senior Member drc100882's Avatar
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    Re: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

    [QUOTE=Leah3388;653938]And Same for him he's said, the two others he has dated while overseas were crazy crying and begging,as you stated not to do before. I'm not that kinda of person to act as such. I was more nervous because I have never been in the situation before and it's so new and I didn't know how I would handle it. But everything seems to be going great considering if much rather him be home, but he loves what he does and I don't see how I couldn't support something he feels so strongly and passionate about.[QUOTE]

    And that's all you need. You've got a good grasp on this. I will tell you though, after 7 years and 6 deployments (I was also active duty)... the beginning is hard... then you're fine. The middle sucks...then you're fine. And that last month before he gets home is the longest possible month of your life and it WILL NEVER END... Then you're fine because he's home. That's the process for me at least. Right now I'm at the first "I'm fine" stage... the middle is coming up soon. You'll be fine if you carry on the way you are.
    Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

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    Re: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by drc100882 View Post
    And that's all you need. You've got a good grasp on this. I will tell you though, after 7 years and 6 deployments (I was also active duty)... the beginning is hard... then you're fine. The middle sucks...then you're fine. And that last month before he gets home is the longest possible month of your life and it WILL NEVER END... Then you're fine because he's home. That's the process for me at least. Right now I'm at the first "I'm fine" stage... the middle is coming up soon. You'll be fine if you carry on the way you are.
    Thank you so much! It's nice to hear from someone with experience in these situations, that I have got the right mindset or outlook on the situation. I don't know anyone from here that I could confide in that could begin to understand. Thank you this really helps!
    And good luck to you as well!

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    Re: New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Leah3388 View Post
    Thank you for the advice. I have always been myself since the first time we met, maybe that's what makes things so easy and he has been the same. Neither of us have anytime to be something that were not, so we are very honest about everything.
    That's nice! I think you love each other. Goodluck to your relationship and enjoy!

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