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Thread: Don't Ask...

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    Senior Member F4CrewChick's Avatar
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    Don't Ask...

    I guess I could start these 'gay-themed' threads on the new "chit-chat" thread but DADT beigg gay-themed itself seems more relevant. I've posted about my thread disappearing from the board with not much response. It disappeared during writing a response to SandJames' question about whether it became tiresome to always identify as the "gay girl" on these threads. My response to him was as follows:
    Quote Originally Posted by sandsjames View Post
    I wasn't criticizing at all. Just a question as I don't have to put up with being identified as part of a specific group. I'd think it would become tiresome after awhile.
    I didn't think you were necessarily criticizing James, though I have had the 'gay fatigue' POV leveled at me on this forum. (Neg Rep, multiple times and in comments from some in the threads.)
    It kinda does get tiring--partly because every time you say it, it's a bit like coming out and you don't know how a people will react--which is why I feel I have to 'stand my ground' as to have being gay perceived by others as, 'no big deal.' People sense weakness and insecurity in others and some will try to exploit that for their own ends.

    The reason I posted this thread is because I really enjoyed this film and wanted to share it with others. GLBT themes in the media are not very visible outside of a tragedy or some perceived 'media-worthy' event like DADT, gay parades and such. We ALL need to see and experience as normal images of ourselves in media. Straight people have the privilege daily in multiple arenas but GLBT people not so much.S OMEONE on MTF, probably a lurker, will find something from my posts they may not have access to in their sphere. Yesterday was 'National Coming Out Day' and I heard it over and over as people came out publicy, the fear-factor present in exposing their private selves to public ridicule.
    I've reprinted it here because it will disappear into the ether if I don't. I just read a relevant article on "Lesbian Sex Scenes" that answers some questions I think. I'm a bit afraid to add the link for fear of moderation, so I've reprinted a relevant portion of the article (to read it in toto, go to the website "Ask Ellen").

    It's hard to believe today, when women argue for and against their favorite lesbian films and compile rival top 10 lists, that not long ago there were no LGBT film festivals, no lesbian and gay sections at the video store, and no books cataloguing queer-themed films. Lesbian sex scenes outside of the porn industry only rarely made it onto the big screen, and when they did, it was likely in some obscure foreign film that played for one weekend at a small art house in New York City.
    And then in the early '80s, two very different films — both from straight male directors — hit American theaters, and the standard for lesbian sex scenes in movies changed for good. The first, released in 1982, was a glossy mainstream film from director-screenwriter Robert Towne.Personal Best starred Mariel Hemingway as Chris Cahill, a young athlete who falls in love with teammate Tory Skinner (Patrice Donnelly).
    The second, which came out a few months later, was a very different kind of film. Made by indie darling John Sayles, it was the story of an unhappily married faculty wife at a small American college who leaves her husband after she falls in love with another woman. That film wasLianna, and the year was 1983.
    Although the sex scenes in both films are tame by today's standards, they clearly and overtly showed women having sex with each other on-screen — something even most of those arty foreign films only hinted at.
    We're going to take a look at the most important sex scenes between women in movie history — not always the best or the hottest (although we've got those, too), but those that broke new ground in their depictions of women having sex with other women. We'll start with a sort of golden age of lesbian sex that began in 1996, come up to the present, and then take a look at groundbreaking films of the early '80s, and even the roots of lesbian sex in films going back to 1929.
    These are films that, for the most part, had a major American theatrical release, even if it was of limited scope, with a few groundbreaking foreign, art house, cable and LGBT film festival movies as well. These criteria are admittedly somewhat subjective, so if you feel we've missed a film that did something new or important with its depiction of sex between women, let us know.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You giggle every time you say 'cockpit'

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    Senior Member RS6405's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Ask...

    Being gay is who you are Chick. No apologies. Right now it is being treated as something different. Yes, you get the gay fatigue, but Tthat has shaped people's view on the subject.

    Plus you got the guys eating out of your hands with some of your stories lol.

    (I had to pull this off my phone since I was going to post it till the thread disapeared)

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    Senior Member F4CrewChick's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Ask...

    Quote Originally Posted by RS6405 View Post
    Being gay is who you are Chick. No apologies. Right now it is being treated as something different. Yes, you get the gay fatigue, but Tthat has shaped people's view on the subject.

    Plus you got the guys eating out of your hands with some of your stories lol.

    (I had to pull this off my phone since I was going to post it till the thread disapeared)
    RS, you make it such a pleasure. I am so glad to call you one of my 'straight allies.' Thanks.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You giggle every time you say 'cockpit'

    -David Letterman "Top Ten ways to know you might not be ready to join the USAF"

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    Senior Member RS6405's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Ask...

    Quote Originally Posted by F4CrewChick View Post
    RS, you make it such a pleasure. I am so glad to call you one of my 'straight allies.' Thanks.
    You are more than welcome!!!

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    Banned sandsjames's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Ask...

    Interesting posts.

    And, again, I just want to make crystal clear that my question wasn't about the gay community, it was about you (F4) specifically. I was concerned for you because every thread you post in, somebody makes a joke or comment about you being gay. I was concerned that maybe this was bothering you or getting annoying for you as you probably would like to have a regular conversation once in awhile without it always coming back to being gay. I had no ulterior motive whatsoever. I guess maybe I was attempting to be overly PC by worrying about someone from a minority group, one I'm not even a member of, getting offended by others comments.

    It wasn't about the film, it wasn't about the community, it was about trying to have you back, as I've become quite fond of you and your posts.

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    Re: Don't Ask...

    Since I've seen this on a couple of threads, I am really curious. Without going into tremendous detail, as that probably led to the disappearance of a thread, what was it that was removed? A reference to a movie? Even if the subject matter might be sensitive to some members, I'd like to see, so I can judge for myself. Any type of censorship removes my choice to decide.

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    Senior Member CrustySMSgt's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Ask...

    I've enjoyed getting to know you F4CC and cracked up at the "gay fatigue" comment... but I can see how being labeled can be tiresome. My sister has been out for years now and recently blogged about her coming out, inspired by a conversation she had with someone who was "standing with their hand on the (inside) closet door" (my words, not hers lol)

    Can't get to the link here at work, but when I get back to my room later, I'll send you the link.

    You do a great job of just being you.
    "If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep the streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep the street so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well. "

    Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.


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    Senior Member F4CrewChick's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Ask...

    @James: I appreciate your care and maintenance. Being "PC" by definition (for the most part) is about caring enough about the people and world around you to be sensitive to what may be perceived as hurtful or mean. My skin is calloused and thick in the area of GLBT things. Your acceptance (rather than tolerance, as it is intolerable being "tolerated") is immeasurably valuable to me and I thank you for it.

    @Crusty:You have come by your support honestly--through a family member. I enjoy reading your comments and feel happy to call you "friend." Thanks Senior.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You giggle every time you say 'cockpit'

    -David Letterman "Top Ten ways to know you might not be ready to join the USAF"

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    Senior Member F4CrewChick's Avatar
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    Re: Don't Ask...

    Quote Originally Posted by Rizzo77 View Post
    Since I've seen this on a couple of threads, I am really curious. Without going into tremendous detail, as that probably led to the disappearance of a thread, what was it that was removed? A reference to a movie? Even if the subject matter might be sensitive to some members, I'd like to see, so I can judge for myself. Any type of censorship removes my choice to decide.
    So Riz, I posted the trailer from my favorite new film, from Sweden, "Kyss Mig." Didn't you comment on the thread? I also posted a pic of my Swedish-girlfriend-from-the-80's who's still a friend. Everything went poof. I'll try to post it again.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]You giggle every time you say 'cockpit'

    -David Letterman "Top Ten ways to know you might not be ready to join the USAF"

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    Re: Don't Ask...

    I thought that's what it was about. I don't see what's any big deal.

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