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Thread: Dear Crusty

  1. #41
    Member Your_Name_Here's Avatar
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    Re: Dear Crusty

    Quote Originally Posted by Proud Mom View Post
    Dear Crusty,

    When my husband and I are, um, cooking, that's right cooking.

    The noodle goes limp, me, I like a "firmer" noodle.

    When we are "cooking" how do we keep the "noodle" firmer??

    Signed
    Floppy Noodle
    Quote Originally Posted by CrustySMSgt View Post
    I'm guessing there is all kinds of good stuff you can get an employee discount on that can solve that problem... you can use a paint stirrer & duct tape to give the "noodle" a bit more "al dente" kick. Or there is that big bin of wood/metal dowels... if you've got the time, you can stuff the "noodle" with whatever size will fit best on your "plate". And if none of those works... there is always the entire line of Black & Decker products; you could consider giving up the heavy carbs in "pasta" and go for something that will satisfy your hunger much quicker.

    Hope that helps!
    I had to get back in my chair--AGAIN--after yet another bout of ROTFLMAO-itis. Thanks!!!
    Something or other, of the Troll Cabal (Retired)

    "You don't need to see my identification."
    "I'm not the Troll you're looking for."
    "I can go about my business."
    "Move along."

    "Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership."--Colin Powell

  2. #42
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    Talking Re: Dear Crusty

    Dear Crusty,

    I'm all bunched up in my PT shorts.

    Signed,
    Can't Shake Loose in Japan
    Something or other, of the Troll Cabal (Retired)

    "You don't need to see my identification."
    "I'm not the Troll you're looking for."
    "I can go about my business."
    "Move along."

    "Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership."--Colin Powell

  3. #43
    Senior Member Shrike's Avatar
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    Re: Dear Crusty

    Dear Crusty,
    I've been unsuccessful on the dating scene for quite some time. Well, I'm not proud of this, but some dude at a bar told me about these "Roofy" pills. He said girls will do anything you want after taking Roofies. So I bought a few.
    I haven't gotten a single girl to come home with me and I've been taking those damned Roofies every night for a week. I think I'm supposed to be taking it with food or something, too. As it is, I've just taken it with some beer, and it has some really bad side effects - my bung really hurts the next morning and I have a strange aftertaste in my mouth.

    What am I doing wrong?
    Retirement rocks!


    A 1911 in the hand is better than 911 on the phone.

  4. #44
    Variable Wind
    Guest

    Re: Dear Crusty

    Quote Originally Posted by Shrike View Post
    Dear Crusty,
    I've been unsuccessful on the dating scene for quite some time. Well, I'm not proud of this, but some dude at a bar told me about these "Roofy" pills. He said girls will do anything you want after taking Roofies. So I bought a few.
    I haven't gotten a single girl to come home with me and I've been taking those damned Roofies every night for a week. I think I'm supposed to be taking it with food or something, too. As it is, I've just taken it with some beer, and it has some really bad side effects - my bung really hurts the next morning and I have a strange aftertaste in my mouth.

    What am I doing wrong?
    Catching.

  5. #45
    Proud Mom
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    Re: Dear Crusty

    omg...I laughed until I had tears....Mwwwahhhh....thanks you guys!!

  6. #46
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    Re: Dear Crusty

    Dear Crusty,

    I smell fishy.

    What do you recommend?


    Sincerely,

    Les Denfres

  7. #47

    Re: Dear Crusty

    Quote Originally Posted by Proud Mom View Post
    Dear Crusty,

    When my husband and I are, um, cooking, that's right cooking.

    The noodle goes limp, me, I like a "firmer" noodle.

    When we are "cooking" how do we keep the "noodle" firmer??

    Signed
    Floppy Noodle
    1st, I am shocked and horrified that my adopted mom wrote in with such a question. Ewww... LOL

    Crusty, if you'll allow me to be your guest columnist on this one:

    Dear PM --
    Limp noodles are really no dish for anyone at the table. Embarrassing for the chef, unsatisfying for the one (or more) guests being served. I especially sympathize with you as a regular and long-standing guest in your husband's kitchen -- you certainly are entitled to all the firm noodle a man with his years of cooking experience can produce.

    To get a good and proper "al dente" noodle, might I first suggest examining the cooking method? Sometimes, changing up the cooking method itself can help. One might say that boiling noodles is boiling noodles, but studies and experience have shown that turning up the heat a bit might lead to easier noodle preparation. Adding a bit more liquid to the mix also has proven effective for noodle strength.

    Due to the importance of an enjoyable cooking experience, if changing methods and adding moisture fail to help produce a consistently firm noodle, might this chef suggest some commercially and professionally prescribed chemical enhancements? Evidently, one particular blue-ish spice comes to mind which has been given wide acclaim at producing harder noodles for longer. In fact, most such spices come complete with a warning that if the noodle remains hardened for several hours after the cooking is complete, one might need to call a professional.

    I hope this helps enlighten my dear readers and perks up their day.

    -- Guest columnist,
    The Reverend Mike Large

  8. #48
    Senior Member CrustySMSgt's Avatar
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    Re: Dear Crusty

    Quote Originally Posted by Rev Mike Large View Post
    1st, I am shocked and horrified that my adopted mom wrote in with such a question. Ewww... LOL

    Crusty, if you'll allow me to be your guest columnist on this one:

    Dear PM --
    Limp noodles are really no dish for anyone at the table. Embarrassing for the chef, unsatisfying for the one (or more) guests being served. I especially sympathize with you as a regular and long-standing guest in your husband's kitchen -- you certainly are entitled to all the firm noodle a man with his years of cooking experience can produce.

    To get a good and proper "al dente" noodle, might I first suggest examining the cooking method? Sometimes, changing up the cooking method itself can help. One might say that boiling noodles is boiling noodles, but studies and experience have shown that turning up the heat a bit might lead to easier noodle preparation. Adding a bit more liquid to the mix also has proven effective for noodle strength.

    Due to the importance of an enjoyable cooking experience, if changing methods and adding moisture fail to help produce a consistently firm noodle, might this chef suggest some commercially and professionally prescribed chemical enhancements? Evidently, one particular blue-ish spice comes to mind which has been given wide acclaim at producing harder noodles for longer. In fact, most such spices come complete with a warning that if the noodle remains hardened for several hours after the cooking is complete, one might need to call a professional.

    I hope this helps enlighten my dear readers and perks up their day.

    -- Guest columnist,
    The Reverend Mike Large
    Bravo!!
    "If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep the streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep the street so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well. "

    Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.


    Chief Runner Amok of the Troll Cabal

  9. #49
    axscntU8_Dpstv
    Guest

    Re: Dear Crusty

    Quote Originally Posted by Rev Mike Large View Post
    1st, I am shocked and horrified that my adopted mom wrote in with such a question. Ewww... LOL

    Crusty, if you'll allow me to be your guest columnist on this one:

    Dear PM --
    Limp noodles are really no dish for anyone at the table. Embarrassing for the chef, unsatisfying for the one (or more) guests being served. I especially sympathize with you as a regular and long-standing guest in your husband's kitchen -- you certainly are entitled to all the firm noodle a man with his years of cooking experience can produce.

    To get a good and proper "al dente" noodle, might I first suggest examining the cooking method? Sometimes, changing up the cooking method itself can help. One might say that boiling noodles is boiling noodles, but studies and experience have shown that turning up the heat a bit might lead to easier noodle preparation. Adding a bit more liquid to the mix also has proven effective for noodle strength.

    Due to the importance of an enjoyable cooking experience, if changing methods and adding moisture fail to help produce a consistently firm noodle, might this chef suggest some commercially and professionally prescribed chemical enhancements? Evidently, one particular blue-ish spice comes to mind which has been given wide acclaim at producing harder noodles for longer. In fact, most such spices come complete with a warning that if the noodle remains hardened for several hours after the cooking is complete, one might need to call a professional.

    I hope this helps enlighten my dear readers and perks up their day.

    -- Guest columnist,
    The Reverend Mike Large

    awesome!!!

  10. #50
    Proud Mom
    Guest

    Re: Dear Crusty

    Quote Originally Posted by Rev Mike Large View Post
    1st, I am shocked and horrified that my adopted mom wrote in with such a question. Ewww... LOL

    Crusty, if you'll allow me to be your guest columnist on this one:

    Dear PM --
    Limp noodles are really no dish for anyone at the table. Embarrassing for the chef, unsatisfying for the one (or more) guests being served. I especially sympathize with you as a regular and long-standing guest in your husband's kitchen -- you certainly are entitled to all the firm noodle a man with his years of cooking experience can produce.

    To get a good and proper "al dente" noodle, might I first suggest examining the cooking method? Sometimes, changing up the cooking method itself can help. One might say that boiling noodles is boiling noodles, but studies and experience have shown that turning up the heat a bit might lead to easier noodle preparation. Adding a bit more liquid to the mix also has proven effective for noodle strength.

    Due to the importance of an enjoyable cooking experience, if changing methods and adding moisture fail to help produce a consistently firm noodle, might this chef suggest some commercially and professionally prescribed chemical enhancements? Evidently, one particular blue-ish spice comes to mind which has been given wide acclaim at producing harder noodles for longer. In fact, most such spices come complete with a warning that if the noodle remains hardened for several hours after the cooking is complete, one might need to call a professional.

    I hope this helps enlighten my dear readers and perks up their day.

    -- Guest columnist,
    The Reverend Mike Large
    Standing ovation....Bravo...bravo....looking proudly around...everyone...he's my son...that's my son that wrote that....~sniffle sniffle~....That was hilarious...you have a job as Assistant Crusty LOL...I KNEW there was a reason I adopted you!


    ps: And just to further shock, horrify and embarrass the children.......Old Man is very upstanding and utilizes that quality on a very regular basis he he he

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