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sandsjames
05-21-2015, 07:39 PM
http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/21/living/feat-denver-mom-public-shaming-video/index.html

I am really loving these videos of parents treating kids like they need to be treated. All the "experts" in the article need to STFU, IMNSHO. More stuff like this and kids might actually realize there are consequences for their actions.

Rusty Jones
05-21-2015, 08:08 PM
I'm really not big on this. Yes, you should punish your children when the situation warrants... but you punishing your children is not for other people's amusement.

The bigger issue here is the mindset that society has gone soft, so these parents who fancy themselves "old school" decide to make videos to show the rest of us sheeple "how it's done."

Then we get these videos. They've been around for awhile, but I think the real sheeple are the ones who praise these parents. I got that feeling about three years ago where the video of the father who shot up his daughter's laptop went viral. He didn't do that for his daughter. He did that to make himself look good in front of the world.

None of that is necessary. Discipline your children. But please understand that doing so does not make you special or worthy of praise... because you're doing what you're supposed to be doing.

Bos Mutus
05-21-2015, 08:38 PM
There is an element of these videos that they sometimes seem to be more about the parents proving their badassedness than actually doing it for the good of the child

I don't know if public humiliation is a good discipline technique...for some of these when the behavior being address is "posting underwear pictures on Instagram" or something, it might be an appropriate discipline, as it's related to the behavior.

I think you have to be very careful with this method on the female 13-18 population...so much of their perceived self-worth is caught up in their social circle acceptance, etc. It can be really devastating to girls of that age...at least in their minds.

When I first read the title of this thread though, I immediately thought of when people post pics (people of wal-mart) or other ways to poke fun of people....a practice which I find growing increasingly more and more distasteful,

garhkal
05-21-2015, 08:57 PM
I'm really not big on this. Yes, you should punish your children when the situation warrants... but you punishing your children is not for other people's amusement.


I agree its not 'cool' to do it just to get other people amused, but i DO feel a good public shaming sometimes works better than keeping it 'in house'.

sandsjames
05-22-2015, 01:15 AM
I'm really not big on this. Yes, you should punish your children when the situation warrants... but you punishing your children is not for other people's amusement.



The embarrassment I got from getting my ass whooped in the grocery store was much more of a deterrent than the actual punishment itself.

Rusty Jones
05-22-2015, 02:28 AM
The embarrassment I got from getting my ass whooped in the grocery store was much more of a deterrent than the actual punishment itself.

Huh? How old were you were you to be worried about "embarassment" while still getting your ass beat?

garhkal
05-22-2015, 06:50 AM
The embarrassment I got from getting my ass whooped in the grocery store was much more of a deterrent than the actual punishment itself.

Same here. I shoplifted ONCE when i was 9-10. Got caught by the cops and had to have my mother take the afternoon off work (unpaid time) to come pick me up from the shop and got spanked IN the store's office (Belt). Then got spanked again at home.
NEVER shoplifted since.

sandsjames
05-22-2015, 11:01 AM
Huh? How old were you were you to be worried about "embarassment" while still getting your ass beat?4, 5, 6, I don't remember exactly, but I know it made me stop grabbing shit off the shelves.

Rusty Jones
05-22-2015, 11:47 AM
4, 5, 6, I don't remember exactly, but I know it made me stop grabbing shit off the shelves.

Maybe it's just me, but I didn't think that a four or five year old was on that level of socialization to even be capable of feeling embarrassment. Maybe six or older, but by that time... you shouldn't be getting beat in the store anyway. Hell, the last time I remember getting beat in the store was at the age of five; and that was for running off to the toy department in Bradlee's.

Either way, the big difference is that once the whole ordeal was over; it was forgotten about. The people who saw you get your ass beat in the store that day wouldn't recognize you if they saw you the next day. However... once you put something on the internet, it's there forever. Take it down if you want to, but by then, other people have already copied it and reposted it themselves.

At the end of the day, these parents aren't doing it for the kids. These parents are just showing off in front of the world.

sandsjames
05-22-2015, 11:55 AM
Maybe it's just me, but I didn't think that a four or five year old was on that level of socialization to even be capable of feeling embarrassment. Maybe six or older, but by that time... you shouldn't be getting beat in the store anyway. Hell, the last time I remember getting beat in the store was at the age of five; and that was for running off to the toy department in Bradlee's. Looks like we remember it at the same age. And why is it the last time you remember it? Because you didn't do it again.


Either way, the big difference is that once the whole ordeal was over; it was forgotten about. The people who saw you get your ass beat in the store that day wouldn't recognize you if they saw you the next day. However... once you put something on the internet, it's there forever. Take it down if you want to, but by then, other people have already copied it and reposted it themselves.

At the end of the day, these parents aren't doing it for the kids. These parents are just showing off in front of the world.Maybe, maybe not. I'd rather have parents showing off by disciplining their children than listen to parents brag about how they are their child's best friend.

Rusty Jones
05-22-2015, 01:17 PM
Maybe, maybe not. I'd rather have parents showing off by disciplining their children than listen to parents brag about how they are their child's best friend.

But since when has being some uber-badass equated to effective parenting? I'd put money on it that that this isn't the first time that she engaged in badassery with her daughter... but whatever she was doing wasn't working up until that point.

I do believe that what you refer to as being your child's "friend" can work, if done correctly. Fear of getting the belt is one thing, but I think that compliance with the rules solely out of fear of the consequences means that someone will break those rules if they knew that there would be no consequences for it.

But... what about a scenario where you know that your parents have certain expectations of you... and you took into consideration how your parents would feel before you decided to do a certain thing? If you knew that your parents would be disappointed or hurt by you violating their expectations... to me, that's a bigger deal than getting beat with a belt. Getting beat with a belt may hurt for a few minutes, but then you go on about your day. Knowing that you hurt your parents after they've established that trust in you? That doesn't simply go away.

Mr. T grew up in Robert T. Taylor Homes, which was arguably the most dangerous housing project in the US before it was torn down back in 2008. He lived a life where he's seen rape and murder with his own eyes on a regular basis; and he attributed making it out of there to having that type of relationship with his mother.

Absinthe Anecdote
05-22-2015, 01:18 PM
http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/21/living/feat-denver-mom-public-shaming-video/index.html

I am really loving these videos of parents treating kids like they need to be treated. All the "experts" in the article need to STFU, IMNSHO. More stuff like this and kids might actually realize there are consequences for their actions.

This is a very unsophisticated way of disciplining a child that causes more harm than good.

In the case that was spotlighted in this article, a 13 year-old girl pretending to be 19, it even could expose her to even more danger.

Plus, it smacks of hypocrisy.

Your child misuses social media, so what do you do as the responsible parent? Misuse social media to even a greater extent to shame a child.

garhkal
05-22-2015, 09:48 PM
Maybe, maybe not. I'd rather have parents showing off by disciplining their children than listen to parents brag about how they are their child's best friend.

Same here. Heck the # of times i have seen parents just stand by and do NOTHING when their kid was messing around badly, makes me wonder whether they even know what discipline is.

TJMAC77SP
05-22-2015, 10:13 PM
I see both sides of this argument but tend to agree more with, "it sounds like a good idea but in execution really isn't".

Having said that, a comment about the Walmart stars got me thinking and when someone shared a set on FB I took a look.

What do you all think of this father's lesson. Not using social media but certainly putting it out in public.




http://forums.militarytimes.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=96&stc=1

Bos Mutus
05-22-2015, 10:21 PM
What do you all think of this father's lesson.

The spandex shorts under his short shorts dilutes the message

Rusty Jones
05-23-2015, 12:52 AM
I got my last spanking at the age of 13. Mostly because, by the age of ten, I was able to rationalize what is and isn't worth taking a beating for; and made my decisions from there. I developed a greater tolerance for it, and it stopped working all together.

Increasing your child's pain threshold is one thing, but I think we live in a society that's rapidly losing its sense of shame... and embarrassing our children isn't helping the situation.

TJMAC77SP
05-23-2015, 03:53 AM
The spandex shorts under his short shorts dilutes the message
I agree...................

sandsjames
05-23-2015, 12:03 PM
But since when has being some uber-badass equated to effective parenting? I'd put money on it that that this isn't the first time that she engaged in badassery with her daughter... but whatever she was doing wasn't working up until that point.

I do believe that what you refer to as being your child's "friend" can work, if done correctly. Fear of getting the belt is one thing, but I think that compliance with the rules solely out of fear of the consequences means that someone will break those rules if they knew that there would be no consequences for it.

But... what about a scenario where you know that your parents have certain expectations of you... and you took into consideration how your parents would feel before you decided to do a certain thing? If you knew that your parents would be disappointed or hurt by you violating their expectations... to me, that's a bigger deal than getting beat with a belt. Getting beat with a belt may hurt for a few minutes, but then you go on about your day. Knowing that you hurt your parents after they've established that trust in you? That doesn't simply go away.

Mr. T grew up in Robert T. Taylor Homes, which was arguably the most dangerous housing project in the US before it was torn down back in 2008. He lived a life where he's seen rape and murder with his own eyes on a regular basis; and he attributed making it out of there to having that type of relationship with his mother.


Every kid responds differently to different styles of discipline. Even two kids in the same family. Some need the physical spankings, some need the guilt of disappointing, some need stuff taken away. There's no one size fits all.

Rusty Jones
05-23-2015, 03:44 PM
Every kid responds differently to different styles of discipline. Even two kids in the same family. Some need the physical spankings, some need the guilt of disappointing, some need stuff taken away. There's no one size fits all.

What I'm saying is that children need to understand the results of their actions and how they affect others. If they're only taught to fear punishment, then there'd be no intrinsic demotivator if they believe that they can get away with it.

garhkal
05-23-2015, 07:52 PM
Every kid responds differently to different styles of discipline. Even two kids in the same family. Some need the physical spankings, some need the guilt of disappointing, some need stuff taken away. There's no one size fits all.

Very true. My brother was more of the needing physical discipline to get it in his head to not mess up, where a shaming worked for me sometimes, but i still needed a spanking now and then.

sandsjames
05-24-2015, 01:26 PM
What I'm saying is that children need to understand the results of their actions and how they affect others. If they're only taught to fear punishment, then there'd be no intrinsic demotivator if they believe that they can get away with it.


Of course it's not ONLY taught to fear punishment. There's much more to it...consistency being the main thing. I never had to be spanked past the age of 8 or 9 because I knew what would happen if I did...and I knew my parents would follow through. The was no "I'm gonna count to 3"...no walking out of the store with the candy if I threw a tantrum (at a younger age). By the time I was 8 or 9 grounding worked just fine, and wasn't needed very often.

What worked the best at a younger age is when I'd do something wrong and my dad would whip my ass right in front of my friends. It embarrassed the shit out of me. There was no social media then so this was the closest thing to public shaming there was...or in the aisle of the store, etc.

And I don't resent him. I don't feel he should have done anything differently. I love them both dearly an respect the way I was raised.

Never once was I told how my actions affected others. Never once did they explain to me why it was happening because I already knew.

And the main thing is that, at a later age, I never had a need to try to "get away with" anything because I knew what they expected and I knew the consequences if I didn't follow the rules.