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sandsjames
09-18-2014, 06:33 PM
This is currently a very hot topic and a very contraversial one.

My I feel that each child is different and requires a different type of discipline. Personally, I was spanked as a child. The spanking would happen immediately after I screwed up. Then I was grounded, or had something taken away for a period of time. When I was grounded, there was no getting out of it early. If it was 2 weeks, it was 2 weeks...no early release.

This taught me a couple different things. One, your actions and choices have immediate consequences. Two, you actions and choices have long term consequences. My parents and I are very close and I couldn't imagine being raised any other way.

My problem is that many of the current "experts" seems to think there is a "one size fits all" way to discipline children...that's just not true.

For some, spanking will never work. For others, nothing but spanking will work. It just depends on the child, and it's up to the parents to know what works best for the child.

There were a couple of things that I think really made it work for me. One, the consistency. If I did something I wasn't supposed to do, I knew what was going to happen. This was a huge deterence. Two, the follow through. There was never a time that I was told there would be a specific consequence just to have my parents give in and not punish me. If there were rules, and I didn't follow them, then there was no doubt what was going to happen.

The result? If I had to guess, I'd say that I can only remember 4 or 5 times that I was actually spanked growing up (I'm sure there were more, but I just remember the more severe infractions). It didn't happen much because I didn't do thing based on the fact that I knew my parents would follow through, each and every time. I was grounded quite a few times, but the spankings were pretty much limited to things that could have caused bigger issues:

I stole batteries for a walkman when I was 9...I mooned one of the girls my Mom babysat when I was 7 (my brother talked me into it...we both got a good one. "You like to drop your pants?? Drop 'em"!). That was the only bare assed spanking I ever got.

There were also several times when I was toddler age that I got my hand smacked when I would be trying to grab something that might injure me. Not hard, but enough to make me associated touching something I wasn't supposed to with an unfavorable response.

Anyway, that's my experience. Of course I am quite aware that there are many parents who cross the line...there are many parents who use spankings because they can't be bothered to do anything else.

The main thing is, to associate every instance of physical discipline with child abuse is extremely uneducated. To say that there are no benefits (through "studies") to spankings is ignorant. One size definitely does not fit all.

Rusty Jones
09-18-2014, 06:55 PM
I think that spanking alone CAN work, and it worked for me... but, unlike most of the children I grew up with that got spanked, I was spanked for more things than just disrespect, disobedience, and breaking things. For most, that's all they got spanked for - if they cut up in school, brought home bad grades, or caused a ruckus in the neighborhood; their parents didn't care... so long as they're not personally inconvenienced by it in any way.

So that's one problem that I have with spanking - most parents who use it, the only thing the children are taught is how to mind their parents.

The second issue that I have, is that only the parents are allowed to do it in most places. To my understanding, there are a handful of states where corporal punishment is legal; but even in those states, it's still outlawed at the county or city level in most places, or the school district outlaws it on their own. Why is this a problem? If children truly do fear a spanking, then the only authority that they learn how to respect is the authority that can spank. If these children have no reasonable fear of getting spanked in school, they'll have no problem disobeying and disrespect teachers - because they know that they won't be touched. Of course, this probably has a lasting affect on their respect for authority when they reach adulthood.

sandsjames
09-18-2014, 07:03 PM
I think that spanking alone CAN work, and it worked for me... I just think that there are certain kids who won't react to the spanking. I wasn't one of those, but I know a couple who were. Though that probably had something to do with the fact that after getting the spanking, the kids were then given whatever the hell they wanted because the parents felt bad. As I mentioned, I think the bigger issue is the consistency and the follow through.

I definitely was never given the "I'm going to count to 3..." crap. I also never walked out of the grocery store with an item I wanted and screamed for in order to "avoid making a scene". And because of that, I very, very rarely, ( I won't say never because that would probably be a lie) grabbed something of the shelf when my parents were shopping.

Absinthe Anecdote
09-18-2014, 07:28 PM
I had a Mommie Dearest type mother, so I think spanking when done in conjunction with a temper tantrum on the part of the parent is fucking insane.

I think spanking is a bullshit tool. Before a child can talk, a forceful NO, usually does the job.

After they are talking, you can usually outwit them into behaving. When they openly defy you during the terrible twos, removing them from the situation till they cool down works, but only if you never cave to their demands.

Spanking older kids? Sounds crazy to me.

Rainmaker
09-18-2014, 07:54 PM
This is currently a very hot topic and a very contraversial one.

My I feel that each child is different and requires a different type of discipline. Personally, I was spanked as a child. The spanking would happen immediately after I screwed up. Then I was grounded, or had something taken away for a period of time. When I was grounded, there was no getting out of it early. If it was 2 weeks, it was 2 weeks...no early release.

This taught me a couple different things. One, your actions and choices have immediate consequences. Two, you actions and choices have long term consequences. My parents and I are very close and I couldn't imagine being raised any other way.

My problem is that many of the current "experts" seems to think there is a "one size fits all" way to discipline children...that's just not true.

For some, spanking will never work. For others, nothing but spanking will work. It just depends on the child, and it's up to the parents to know what works best for the child.

There were a couple of things that I think really made it work for me. One, the consistency. If I did something I wasn't supposed to do, I knew what was going to happen. This was a huge deterence. Two, the follow through. There was never a time that I was told there would be a specific consequence just to have my parents give in and not punish me. If there were rules, and I didn't follow them, then there was no doubt what was going to happen.

The result? If I had to guess, I'd say that I can only remember 4 or 5 times that I was actually spanked growing up (I'm sure there were more, but I just remember the more severe infractions). It didn't happen much because I didn't do thing based on the fact that I knew my parents would follow through, each and every time. I was grounded quite a few times, but the spankings were pretty much limited to things that could have caused bigger issues:

I stole batteries for a walkman when I was 9...I mooned one of the girls my Mom babysat when I was 7 (my brother talked me into it...we both got a good one. "You like to drop your pants?? Drop 'em"!). That was the only bare assed spanking I ever got.

There were also several times when I was toddler age that I got my hand smacked when I would be trying to grab something that might injure me. Not hard, but enough to make me associated touching something I wasn't supposed to with an unfavorable response.

Anyway, that's my experience. Of course I am quite aware that there are many parents who cross the line...there are many parents who use spankings because they can't be bothered to do anything else.

The main thing is, to associate every instance of physical discipline with child abuse is extremely uneducated. To say that there are no benefits (through "studies") to spankings is ignorant. One size definitely does not fit all.

Agree it depends on the kid and Depends on why/ how it's administered. Discipline should be rendered without anger whenever possible. As a Father of 5 Rainmaker admits this is easier said than done. Apparently one of A.P.'s 7 chilluhns pushed another baby off a bike? Rainmaker hadn't followed it much, since we got rid off the boob tube in 2004. I'd Imagine the Nanny state presstitutes are in hysterics about it.

Generally it's none of the government's business. But, A 6'2" 220lb man beating a 4 year old kid in anger with a switch, while drawing blood and leaving bruises all over him, demonstrates poor impulse control at best and is child abuse at worst. Either way pretty sure the kid won't do it again, and props to AP cause, at least he cares how kids turn out unlike most of these shitbirds.

USN - Retired
09-18-2014, 09:02 PM
I wonder if most of the men who beat their wives were spanked often as a child, and, more importantly, I wonder if there is a connection. In other words, if a parent spanks a young boy often, is it more likely that the boy will grow up to beat his wife? Just askin'.

garhkal
09-18-2014, 09:14 PM
This is currently a very hot topic and a very contraversial one.

..snip..

The main thing is, to associate every instance of physical discipline with child abuse is extremely uneducated. To say that there are no benefits (through "studies") to spankings is ignorant. One size definitely does not fit all.

I feel the same. I knew quite a few kids growing up in England who got spanked. Only those who were already maladjusted and on the route to jail still ended up there, one who was on that route actually cleaned his act up. 3 Joined the cops, 2 military. So being spanked didn't turn them into violent louts or emotionally restricted people.
I have seen some kids these days who are so out of control a good spanking SHOULD have been in order, but the parents seemed even reluctant to 'give them a stern talking to'. I have also seen some parents who put a hand on their kids to reign them in, only to get 2-3 busybodies standing around admonishing them for 'child abuse'.




The second issue that I have, is that only the parents are allowed to do it in most places. To my understanding, there are a handful of states where corporal punishment is legal; but even in those states, it's still outlawed at the county or city level in most places, or the school district outlaws it on their own. Why is this a problem? If children truly do fear a spanking, then the only authority that they learn how to respect is the authority that can spank. If these children have no reasonable fear of getting spanked in school, they'll have no problem disobeying and disrespect teachers - because they know that they won't be touched. Of course, this probably has a lasting affect on their respect for authority when they reach adulthood.

So true rusty. When the English school systems stopped allowing teachers to hand out on the spot discipline (such as a simple smack on the hand) a lot of kids seemed to lose all respect for the authority of the teachers. And imo its even worse now when you have kids and parents suing schools when they DO hold the kid(s) accountable, and either suspend or expell them, only to be forced by the lawsuit (or just the threat of one) to allow the kid back in.
You just have to look at some of the news stories to see how little respect for the teachers SOME kids have.


I just think that there are certain kids who won't react to the spanking. I wasn't one of those, but I know a couple who were. Though that probably had something to do with the fact that after getting the spanking, the kids were then given whatever the hell they wanted because the parents felt bad. As I mentioned, I think the bigger issue is the consistency and the follow through.

I definitely was never given the "I'm going to count to 3..." crap. I also never walked out of the grocery store with an item I wanted and screamed for in order to "avoid making a scene". And because of that, I very, very rarely, ( I won't say never because that would probably be a lie) grabbed something of the shelf when my parents were shopping.

The amount of times i have seen parents give into their little 3-6 yr olds screaming that they "I WANT THIS. GIVE ME NOW", in stores makes me wonder what the heck parents do when the kid is older and they throw those tantrums? IMO all it does is let the kid know they can push the parents around.