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Shaken1976
09-17-2013, 11:50 PM
Can a guy and girl just be friends? Can they see movies, have dinner, have a drink, or just hang out without it ever developing into something else? Do guys think that buying a girl a drink is a way to more?

Okay it is more than one question. But I have a friend who is a guy. We hang out a lot and have been for several months. Both recently divorced and just like hanging out. My coworkers say no guy goes out and hangs out with a girl just as friends without hopes of something more.

So what is the verdict? Will he continue to be my friend? Or will it get awkward at some

sandsjames
09-18-2013, 12:22 AM
Can a guy and girl just be friends? Can they see movies, have dinner, have a drink, or just hang out without it ever developing into something else? Do guys think that buying a girl a drink is a way to more?

Okay it is more than one question. But I have a friend who is a guy. We hang out a lot and have been for several months. Both recently divorced and just like hanging out. My coworkers say no guy goes out and hangs out with a girl just as friends without hopes of something more.

So what is the verdict? Will he continue to be my friend? Or will it get awkward at some

It's tough. I think he will continue to be your friend but, just remember, he is most likely thinking about wanting to take it further, one way or another. For instance, if he were to ask you to have sex, you'd probably say no. If you were to ask him, he'd do it in a heartbeat. So, yes, you can be friends and, hopefully, your friendship is strong enough for him to look past it being "just" a friendship. I'm not saying he is "hoping" for something more, but he's thinking about it.

imnohero
09-18-2013, 01:03 AM
I will answer your questions this way:

I have had friends that were girls, that I went to movies, played cards, went to holidays at each others houses...you know, friend stuff. I KNEW it was never ever going to be more than friendship, that the girl wasn't interested in me "that way" and never would be. Not a question in my mind. I still thought about having sex with them and wondered if we would ever be "more than friends." Of course, I kept these thoughts to myself, so the friendships never became awkward or wierd.

And every time, without fail...when one of these women got interested in a man...I was no summarily out of the picture.

This is just how it works, men think about sex a lot...women decide who gets it and when. Forgive my bluntness.

drc100882
09-18-2013, 01:53 AM
Can a guy and girl just be friends? Can they see movies, have dinner, have a drink, or just hang out without it ever developing into something else? Do guys think that buying a girl a drink is a way to more?

Okay it is more than one question. But I have a friend who is a guy. We hang out a lot and have been for several months. Both recently divorced and just like hanging out. My coworkers say no guy goes out and hangs out with a girl just as friends without hopes of something more.

So what is the verdict? Will he continue to be my friend? Or will it get awkward at some

Yes, guys and girls can just be friends. I lived with my (male) roommate for 2 years. We drank, went to dinner, cooked together, went to movies. I slept in his bed when the heat broke. He actually bathed me after I'd had way too much to drink, threw up on myself and could hardly open my eyes. He called when I didn't come home after crashing at the houses of other friends. He and I both married other people. Your coworkers are morons. Tell them to shove it and go get laid.

Silverback
09-18-2013, 01:55 AM
Enjoy the relationship for what it is. If you want to remain as friends, do not give this guy any false hope. It does not take a lot to give a guy false hope.

SomeRandomGuy
09-18-2013, 02:01 AM
Can a guy and girl just be friends? Can they see movies, have dinner, have a drink, or just hang out without it ever developing into something else? Do guys think that buying a girl a drink is a way to more?

Okay it is more than one question. But I have a friend who is a guy. We hang out a lot and have been for several months. Both recently divorced and just like hanging out. My coworkers say no guy goes out and hangs out with a girl just as friends without hopes of something more.

So what is the verdict? Will he continue to be my friend? Or will it get awkward at some

Ever seen the show "friend zone" on MTV? Oh man, it is great! I'm not sure if it is still on though. I have only seen a few episodes.

Max Power
09-18-2013, 03:48 AM
http://www.mememaker.net/static/images/memes/140030.jpg

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/38273218.jpg

RS6405
09-18-2013, 09:32 AM
Shaken--

I've had several male friends that were just friends. So, I think it is possible to just be friends.

However, you never shared if you want more than just a friendship with your guy friend. If you want things to stay the same, then keep it there. If you want more, then make a move.

Shaken1976
09-18-2013, 12:55 PM
Shaken--

I've had several male friends that were just friends. So, I think it is possible to just be friends.

However, you never shared if you want more than just a friendship with your guy friend. If you want things to stay the same, then keep it there. If you want more, then make a move.

It has been a crazy weird situation. Back in the day before everything went to hell we all hung out, husbands and wives and kids. But I was closer to his wife. Then around the same time both of us ended up divorced and both of our ex's moved. His kids live with his ex in another city. Our kids are the best of friends so whenever he has them we all get together and do stuff. We started hanging out more and more. He takes Trouble to do things and shows up for events at her school. Then he and I started hanging out without Trouble. I really value the friendship we have created and I REALLY appreciate all he has doen with Trouble. But I am not in any place to jump into anything romantic at this point. I am good with things the way they are.

On another note...he and I had a super long text conversation last night about another issue that his ex was creating by using me as the middle man. Something I am glad he never did. I talked to her about it too. I feel way less stressed now and am looking forward to next weekend when we get together.

Pullinteeth
09-18-2013, 01:31 PM
Chicks will tell you yes it is possible. Any heterosexual male will say yeah it is possible but unless you are a hideous asexual troll, he is gonna think about knocking the dust off at some point... Doesn't mean you can't be friends but if you think it is strictly platonic, you are kidding yourself.

20+Years
09-18-2013, 01:53 PM
I have expressed this opinion before, not here. Men will be friends with a female in secret hopes that she will one day want more. Some will be ok with it not advancing, some will burn out over time and not be able to take being the bounce-back board any longer. In the end though, it comes down to hope for the guy. What in a females mind is an innocent get together (movie, dinner) creates hope for the male. A more confident male would roll the dice and make his feelings known, probably be labled as "the jerk". The less confident guy will sit back and wait, and hope.

Rusty Jones
09-18-2013, 02:19 PM
I dunno. I think it's all a self-fulfilling prophecy, in that it all comes down to how heterosexual men choose their female friends in the first place.

I have plenty of females that I, if single, wouldn't touch with a stick. Some are physically unattractive. Some just have straight up personal problems. Some have too many damn children (that you'd have to distract, and also indicative of the high likelihood that she WILL have your baby if you knock her up). Others, I have SEEN the fucked up shit they've done to guys that they were having sex with and/or were in a relationship with.

My guess is that men who view all of their female friends as potential sex partners have not, and will not, befriend the kind of women I've befriended.

There are also women who don't have any of those issues that I'm perfectly fine with being friends with. Whether I was married or single, I kept them out of my business and did my thing. There are too many women available for immediate sex to be "hoping" to have sex with a friend.

71Fish
09-18-2013, 02:34 PM
He probably does genuinely like you, but he also wants you to be his rebound. In other words, if given the opportunity, he will try to have sex with you. If you don't feel the same way, that will be the end of your friendship/relationship. Better to let him know up front where you stand. Men and women are wired differently, obviously. He sees your attention and friendship as an opportunity, where you may see it for just what it is, friendship. Even if he wasn't or isn't physically attracted to you, he will develop an attraction for you and what you represent.

Pullinteeth
09-18-2013, 02:51 PM
I have expressed this opinion before, not here. Men will be friends with a female in secret hopes that she will one day want more. Some will be ok with it not advancing, some will burn out over time and not be able to take being the bounce-back board any longer. In the end though, it comes down to hope for the guy. What in a females mind is an innocent get together (movie, dinner) creates hope for the male. A more confident male would roll the dice and make his feelings known, probably be labled as "the jerk". The less confident guy will sit back and wait, and hope.

I wouldn't say THAT. I have female friends that I don't secretly hope to bang. That doesn't mean I haven't thought about them naked or banging them. Just means I have no intent/desire to carry that into RL.

20+Years
09-18-2013, 02:56 PM
You don't have to say it. I did.

Shaken1976
09-18-2013, 03:21 PM
He probably does genuinely like you, but he also wants you to be his rebound. In other words, if given the opportunity, he will try to have sex with you. If you don't feel the same way, that will be the end of your friendship/relationship. Better to let him know up front where you stand. Men and women are wired differently, obviously. He sees your attention and friendship as an opportunity, where you may see it for just what it is, friendship. Even if he wasn't or isn't physically attracted to you, he will develop an attraction for you and what you represent.

I have known him forever. Our friends are kids. Our families used to all hang out until both spouses left. We started getting together with the kids. Then he started hanging out with me and my kid. Now he is hanging out with just me. It has kind of evolved.

Shaken1976
09-18-2013, 04:39 PM
Maybe you should find some grown-up friends :-)

Dagnabbit. Kids are friends. Oops.

71Fish
09-18-2013, 04:51 PM
Dagnabbit. Kids are friends. Oops.

My wife cracks up everytime the commercial comes on with Old MacDonald at the spelling bee. Dagnabbit.

Shaken1976
09-18-2013, 05:07 PM
My wife cracks up everytime the commercial comes on with Old MacDonald at the spelling bee. Dagnabbit.

COW - C-O-W-E-I-E-I-O.....LOL

BTW.....Do you know what DAY it is?

imnohero
09-18-2013, 05:20 PM
It's hump day...woot woot!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWBhP0EQ1lA

Shaken1976
09-18-2013, 05:35 PM
http://youtu.be/IwrstxuicZk

No Mavs.... ROCKETS all the way. Even if they do lose all the time. Gotta support the home team.

BENDER56
09-18-2013, 07:27 PM
Dagnabbit. Kids are friends. Oops.

"Dagnabbit"? Where are you from ... the 1930s?

Shaken1976
09-18-2013, 07:50 PM
"Dagnabbit"? Where are you from ... the 1930s?

Listen here whippersnapper.... You best get to plowin them fields or you won't be heading to the juke joint tonight and I will take your radio away.

AFcynic
09-18-2013, 09:30 PM
No, men and women can never be just friends. One will always want something from the other, be it sexual or romantic. What's going to happen when you both get drunk and one of you makes a move on the other? AWKWARD if it's rejected, even more if it's regretted the next day.

I'm not a psychologist, and my advice is based on years of alcohol dependency. In fact, my life is an entire series of bad decisions. Either way, b@ng him, get it out of your system, and see where it goes. You don't have to commit to a relationship with the guy. Bump the uglies, and go from there. He either stays or goes based on what happens after you kill the elephant in the room.

AFcynic
09-18-2013, 09:38 PM
'Merica.

BENDER56
09-18-2013, 10:13 PM
I suspect most of commenters here are right -- most guys want more than a platonic relationship. So the question is -- what do you want? 'Cause in these situations it's the woman who decides where the relationship goes.

Also, you're both grown-ups. Did it ever occur to you to simply discuss this with him?

RS6405
09-18-2013, 11:26 PM
Hey Shaken,

Ever have a feeling (looking at post above) that sometimes men never listen when we explain things?

:becky

oldgrndr@
09-18-2013, 11:58 PM
It has kind of evolved. Evolution is a natural and ongoing state. Any perception that it has stopped is only because you don't know how long until the next noticable change. Enough of the Darwinism...
Your ex... Did you marry him because of what he was and hoping he wouldn't change or because of what you saw as a possibility of what he could become? Don't answer that, rhetorical question.

Can you be just friends? Theoretically yes you can, especially if he refers to you as "like a sister to me." Otherwise, if he isn't thinking about it now there's a significant chance he will in the (near?) future as it sounds like he's looking for either just a rebound before moving on or a rebound that's also "something better then before." And you sound like you're not ready for either. Tell him that last bit at least.

BENDER56
09-19-2013, 12:24 AM
Hey Shaken,

Ever have a feeling (looking at post above) that sometimes men never listen when we explain things?

:becky

I'll confess that occasionally I'll comment without having read every previous post. So which post did I miss?

Shaken1976
09-19-2013, 02:04 AM
Just my opinion...

I have a hunch that Shaken would like this guy to be more than a friend, but she is playing coy to her coworkers..:wiggle:

and even us a little, but is hoping our comments will boost her optimism, that he really does dig her...in a few months she'll post again saying how this has developed into a relationship..:smlove2:

Her head says "I'm not ready for romance right now"...but she is feeling all giggly with him.

Well seeing as my head is saying I am not ready for romance I think I will listen to it. As most of you guys know my marriage was not great and you only know the top of layer of what was going on. Hell I am still finding out shit he pulled. I don't trust so easily anymore. Which is why I like the friendship I have with this guy. I don't have to worry about getting stomped on.

Shaken1976
09-19-2013, 02:22 AM
You can still do anything with him, just can't %$&* him.
Unless, you want to play the...friends with benefits card.

Nope. No FWBs. That never works out. Besides he has been awesome for Trouble. Don't want to take that away from her.

Pullinteeth
09-19-2013, 01:44 PM
No Mavs.... ROCKETS all the way. Even if they do lose all the time. Gotta support the home team.

Since when did they move the Rockets to San Antonio? Last time I checked (and I hate basketball), the Spurs were in SA....

Shaken1976
09-19-2013, 02:00 PM
Since when did they move the Rockets to San Antonio? Last time I checked (and I hate basketball), the Spurs were in SA....

Born and raised in Houston. So the Rockets are first. Just like the Texans and the Astros.

Pullinteeth
09-19-2013, 02:05 PM
You mean the Titans right?

Shaken1976
09-19-2013, 02:18 PM
You mean the Titans right?

Nah. Now that we have a home team again I root for them. I have my Watt jersey for Sunday Game days. Speaking of which....going to my favorite wing place this weekend with my buddy to watch football and have a beer. (Gotta keep my thread on topic...)

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 01:51 AM
Good thing I am not dating this guy. He just texted me for dinner and I am in sweats because I just finished at the gym. Wasn't planning on dinner but have 1.5 hours to kill before Trouble is done with dance

Gonzo432
09-20-2013, 02:11 AM
Good thing I am not dating this guy. He just texted me for dinner and I am in sweats because I just finished at the gym. Wasn't planning on dinner but have 1.5 hours to kill before Trouble is done with dance

Sounds like you're married.:wall:

kool-aid
09-20-2013, 02:56 AM
I think men and women can only be friends if one of them is unattractive to your average person. If you both look okay, the guy will be hoping he can get lucky at some point. If either one is fat, ugly or just gross, it negates any chance of that hopeful hook-up.

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 04:01 AM
Sounds like you're married.:wall:

Nope. He just got back into town. I had finished my workout and was gonna hang out at the studio when he texted that he was back and wanted to meet for dinner.

imnohero
09-20-2013, 05:08 AM
Interesting...the first thing he does is text you and ask to see you. Normally, I would not consider this something a "friend" would do...normally, this is something a man does when he's interested in a woman.

However, since you insist that you are just friends, it's must be this man is different.

RS6405
09-20-2013, 11:17 AM
On his side at least.

Worse things can happen than having a guy that treats you and your daughter right and happens to be a good friend that turns into a lover.

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 12:50 PM
On his side at least.

Worse things can happen than having a guy that treats you and your daughter right and happens to be a good friend that turns into a lover.

For now I guess I just go with the flow and see what happens. I don't want to screw up anything or mess with the kids friendship. Those guys are thick as thieves.

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 12:51 PM
Bingo...no way is this "just a friend"

It seems I am wrong then. I have been out of the dating game for a long time. I don't plan on making any moves. Just gonna hang back and see what happens.

imnohero
09-20-2013, 01:00 PM
Well, tell us about dinner. Did he pay? How long was the hug hello (too long)? Come on, give us some details.

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 01:19 PM
Well, tell us about dinner. Did he pay? How long was the hug hello (too long)? Come on, give us some details.

Yes he paid. No hug hello. We sat and talked for about an hour about his trip to Phoenix, work for me, the weekend, and a lot of other stuff. Had a good time. Then I had to go get my kiddo and he headed home. No goodbye hug. Of course I also had injections in my shoulder yesterday and was in a lot of pain...and grungy from my gym time.

Side note....maybe the gym wasn't such a good idea after the injections. Holy Hell I hurt today.

Pullinteeth
09-20-2013, 02:10 PM
says it all...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg&feature=youtu.be

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 02:16 PM
Please tell me you take turns paying, if not that is total BS!

If I beat him to the ticket I pay. Sometimes we pay our own. But most of the time he takes it before I can. He is quick on the draw when it comes to snatching the ticket up.

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 02:24 PM
This is crap. You like him and aren't telling him. As we get older, the more honest and direct approach is the best way.
Few years back I had a friend, she said, Tak I want to have sex with you. Made things way easier than playing games.

Hell. I didn't believe people when they said we were dating. I was just hanging out. I didn't realize it had evolved until last night when he sent me a text as soon as he got off the plane. It is a complicated situation for sure.

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 02:32 PM
No, it's complicated because of you. No offense.
Maybe you all need to have...the...talk.

Disclaimer: advice coming from guy on third marriage.

His ex wife and I were friends. I still talk to her from time to time but I don't agree with the way she left everything. When he and I first started hanging out it was all about the kids. Now it has evolved a bit. I was thinking we were just friends. I am comfortable with that. As you know...my marriage wasn't great and I wasn't treated well. So I am not looking to jump into anything.

Shaken1976
09-20-2013, 02:42 PM
Looking to jump? You're already past that. I think the ex dating thing is against code.
These days people just "hook up"

What I am trying to figure out is when we went past that. Because obviously things have changed but I have no clue when it happened.

RS6405
09-21-2013, 03:16 AM
What I am trying to figure out is when we went past that. Because obviously things have changed but I have no clue when it happened.

If I had you under a deposition, I would definately chase down that "we" phrase beyound all the logical and safe statements you have been giving on the subject....



(Or sit back and watch all the rest of the members continue to grill you on the topic :popcorn )

imnohero
09-21-2013, 03:43 AM
You know what this reminds me of...that Big Bang episode where everyone realizes Leonard's GF is living with him, except Leonard.

Your co-workers think your dating. We think your dating. HE thinks your dating (probably). He texts you the minute he gets off the plane. You look forward to seeing him on the weekends. Maybe you should ask Trouble if she thinks you guys are dating?

Seriously, if it quacks like a duck... :)

Drackore
09-21-2013, 07:35 AM
I've been following this and I've kept out of it til this point, but Tak hit it here. I'll answer his question for you. It doesn't matter. Fact of the matter is - you guys are past the friends stage. No matter how hard you are trying to keep it at the friends stage, you aren't there. You might want to friend zone this guy, but you aren't friend zoning this guy.

You come here with your anonymous tag, but you pretty much show your true self (unlike a lot of us who put on a fake internet personality and act like more than what we really are) so I am safe to assume you are a good person. I've never gotten the impression from you that you are a "bitch" or worse. That being said - I think it's time the two of you have a talk. Before you have a talk you really need to reflect on what you want.

Yea, he got burnt, you got burnt. People get burnt all the time but that doesn't mean you never turn the stove on again though. Life goes on and you gotta keep taking risks. People that don't take risks end up with a lot of cats, and a new study came out that people with a lot of cats can get really sick and die.

So bottom line, think about this guy and what you want, then sit him down and have a talk. Get a clear direction and start going down that path. If it's friends, then you gotta set that path so he can be "set free". If it's dating...then damn it woman let him know.


Why does that matter?

Shaken1976
09-23-2013, 04:27 PM
So we talked this weekend...last night. Basically we are just going to see where it goes. Not going to jump or rush into anything. We enjoy each others company and adore each others kids. Feelings are mutual between us but both of us don't want to screw anything up.

Shaken1976
09-23-2013, 04:36 PM
Looking to jump? You're already past that. I think the ex dating thing is against code.
These days people just "hook up"

She did everything she could to make the weekend miserable. But it was okay. She was MAD that he came to the football game to see the girls dance. She was mad that he sat with his kids on HER weekend. She was mad that her kids were upset and not wanting to leave.


On another note...She thinks her boyfriend is a Navy Seal and very high ranking. She thinks he is so important that she has to have protective detail on her at all times. She said he always knows where she is. This dude is a 50 year old car salesman. He has her snowed.

She told me that I could have her ex because she doesn't want him anymore...and that at least she knew I would love the kids unlike a crazy stepmom.... Way to jump the gun on us there. Hell I never even told her anything.

sandsjames
09-23-2013, 05:48 PM
So we talked this weekend...last night. Basically we are just going to see where it goes. Not going to jump or rush into anything. We enjoy each others company and adore each others kids. Feelings are mutual between us but both of us don't want to screw anything up.

This means you are dating, or whatever you want to call it. It's at the point now that you're past the friendship, on to the next step. Honestly (not to be too pessimistic) there is no going back from here. It's either going to work or not. I don't see a friendship after, if there is an after. I'm sure you are both at the point where you wouldn't want the other seeing someone else. This means you are a couple, even if it's just in the beginning stage. Good luck, and I hope all works out.

On a side not, DO NOT let yourself feel guilty, thinking it's "too soon" or whatever. There is no such thing. For some it's right away, for some it's years. There's no right or wrong on when a person is ready to move on.

Shaken1976
09-23-2013, 05:55 PM
So far nothing has really happened except the conversation. We had a beer, wings and football date last night. It is our standard Sunday. Then when I was dealing with a heartbroken little girl over something else he took her for ice cream. He is a good guy.

I don't feel guilty about moving on. Honestly the biggest thing keeping me from pursuing this is the kids. His ex did for a little while but after this weekend I am done with her and her crap.


This means you are dating, or whatever you want to call it. It's at the point now that you're past the friendship, on to the next step. Honestly (not to be too pessimistic) there is no going back from here. It's either going to work or not. I don't see a friendship after, if there is an after. I'm sure you are both at the point where you wouldn't want the other seeing someone else. This means you are a couple, even if it's just in the beginning stage. Good luck, and I hope all works out.

On a side not, DO NOT let yourself feel guilty, thinking it's "too soon" or whatever. There is no such thing. For some it's right away, for some it's years. There's no right or wrong on when a person is ready to move on.

BRUWIN
09-23-2013, 06:00 PM
Can a guy and girl just be friends? Can they see movies, have dinner, have a drink, or just hang out without it ever developing into something else? Do guys think that buying a girl a drink is a way to more?

Okay it is more than one question. But I have a friend who is a guy. We hang out a lot and have been for several months. Both recently divorced and just like hanging out. My coworkers say no guy goes out and hangs out with a girl just as friends without hopes of something more.

So what is the verdict? Will he continue to be my friend? Or will it get awkward at some

Yes. Guys and girls can be just friends. However, as soon as one starts feeling any different that person feeling different just needs to walk away.

Shaken1976
09-23-2013, 06:15 PM
Yes. Guys and girls can be just friends. However, as soon as one starts feeling any different that person feeling different just needs to walk away.

I think we have it worked out for the time being. Had a long conversation this weekend and came to the same conclusion. I posted it on page 7.

Shaken1976
09-23-2013, 08:23 PM
She didn't used to be crazy and I don't know why she is acting the way she is. She left him for another man and is acting like he is the bad guy. Her complaints? He works too much. He isn't dominant. He never cooked. These are the things she told me.

CYBERFX1024
09-23-2013, 09:16 PM
All women are crazy, divorce just makes them crazier.

+1

RS6405
09-24-2013, 01:42 AM
She didn't used to be crazy and I don't know why she is acting the way she is. She left him for another man and is acting like he is the bad guy. Her complaints? He works too much. He isn't dominant. He never cooked. These are the things she told me.

Actually this post and the previous one on page 7 about her SEAL/ car salesman/ new boyfriend, makes me think your guy might actually be normal and a keeper. If she is looking for drama, than means she didn't get it at home. Always a positive in my book!

imnohero
09-24-2013, 01:49 AM
All women are crazy, divorce just makes them crazier.

Only some women are crazy. And some of those start out OK and are driven crazy by men, LOL.

Divorce makes everyone crazy, at least temporarily.

SomeRandomGuy
09-24-2013, 01:56 AM
Will Shaken fall for her friend? Will the crazy ex show up and try to ruin things? Tune in next week for another episode of Military Wives. :popcorn

Shaken1976
09-24-2013, 04:07 PM
Will Shaken fall for her friend? Will the crazy ex show up and try to ruin things? Tune in next week for another episode of Military Wives. :popcorn

Except she isn't a military wife. Do you know of any Navy Seals who are 50 years old? Who don't have access to a base? And who are car salesmen?

SomeRandomGuy
09-24-2013, 04:57 PM
Except she isn't a military wife. Do you know of any Navy Seals who are 50 years old? Who don't have access to a base? And who are car salesmen?

Hmmm? Maybe a different title would be in order. How about "Shaken but not stirred; The Divorce chronicles"

USMC0341
09-24-2013, 06:04 PM
Except she isn't a military wife. Do you know of any Navy Seals who are 50 years old? Who don't have access to a base? And who are car salesmen?

Shhh. he's under cover, don't blow it! OPSEC...

Maybe his team needs some new rides?

BENDER56
09-24-2013, 07:56 PM
Well, whether it turns out to be just friends or something more, it sounds like you've got a good thing going here. My only advice; keep his crazy ex as far out of y'all's life as you can.

Shaken1976
09-24-2013, 08:57 PM
Well, whether it turns out to be just friends or something more, it sounds like you've got a good thing going here. My only advice; keep his crazy ex as far out of y'all's life as you can.

We are taking things one day at a time and just seeing where it goes. He is coming over tonight and mowing the backyard in exchange for spaghetti dinner. We will probably throw a movie in and just relax with the kiddo. His kids are in this weekend and all three have already scammed a promise of dinner, a movie, and a sleepover.

Shaken1976
09-24-2013, 09:04 PM
Well if you're not having sex, that's great practice for married life.

Haha. He actually doesn't believe in sex before marriage....so if we pursue this I will have a long wait for that.

Shaken1976
09-24-2013, 09:08 PM
Yeah, I used that line before to...he's good.

Nah. I think he is pretty serious about that. I know from before that he and his ex were never even alone before they were married. They always had a chaperone. Not the way I did things but whatever works...or doesn't.

Shaken1976
09-24-2013, 09:13 PM
I don't understand.

LOL. Hell if I had waited for marriage I wouldn't have my kiddo.

Shaken1976
09-24-2013, 09:19 PM
Well, okay...I guess I've known quite a few people, myself included, who waited for marriage the first time...

I don't think I've ever heard of a divorced person that didn't believe in sex before a second marriage, that seems odd, and I'll bet you $50 you could talk him into it this weekend.

Somehow I kind of doubt it. At least this weekend. Not to mention, I don't want to rush anything here. Things are going well now and that will happen when it happens. We will have all of the kids this weekend so no alone time anyway.

oldgrndr@
09-25-2013, 06:11 AM
We are taking things one day at a time and just seeing where it goes.
To be blunt this sounds like you still haven't fully processed that it's not just friends anymore.


He is coming over tonight and mowing the backyard in exchange for spaghetti dinner.
You've been outa the dating market for a while did the potential for innuendo not occur to you? This 304/2E1/3D1 thought of quite a few.


We will probably throw a movie in and just relax with the kiddo. His kids are in this weekend and all three have already scammed a promise of dinner, a movie, and a sleepover.
So you're playing house and using the kids as a shield? Dedicated to them (the kids) is one thing but if you're already using them to dodge the other person (him)... it doesn't bode well. If you're not ready to move on; so be it I can accept that. And if he's half the guy you make him out to be he'll be good too. But be honest with him and yourself.

Pullinteeth
09-25-2013, 02:19 PM
She didn't used to be crazy and I don't know why she is acting the way she is. She left him for another man and is acting like he is the bad guy. Her complaints? He works too much. He isn't dominant. He never cooked. These are the things she told me.

Ummmm...correct me if I am wrong but don't domineering husbands usually make their wives cook?


Somehow I kind of doubt it. At least this weekend. Not to mention, I don't want to rush anything here. Things are going well now and that will happen when it happens. We will have all of the kids this weekend so no alone time anyway.

Unless he is gay, you could.

Shaken1976
09-25-2013, 02:24 PM
Ummmm...correct me if I am wrong but don't domineering husbands usually make their wives cook?

Unless he is gay, you could.

One would think. But I am also a firm believer that if you stay home and your spouse works then you should cook and keep the home clean. If both work then you need to split the household chores.



He came over last night and we had dinner and then watched a movie with Trouble. Ferris Beulers Day Off. I kind of forgot it is not exactly appropriate for Trouble. After she went to bed we finished the movie and then just watched tv until I realized it was almost midnight. He left and I crashed for the night.

This weekend I have to do a turn n burn to Houston for my nephews birthday and then get back Saturday so my kiddo can hit tryouts on Sunday for her Jazz team.

Shaken1976
09-25-2013, 02:25 PM
To be blunt this sounds like you still haven't fully processed that it's not just friends anymore.


You've been outa the dating market for a while did the potential for innuendo not occur to you? This 304/2E1/3D1 thought of quite a few.


So you're playing house and using the kids as a shield? Dedicated to them (the kids) is one thing but if you're already using them to dodge the other person (him)... it doesn't bode well. If you're not ready to move on; so be it I can accept that. And if he's half the guy you make him out to be he'll be good too. But be honest with him and yourself.

Not playing house. The kids are having a sleepover. Not us. They will all be crashed out Saturday night at my house. He will sleep at his.

Not trying to dodge him at all. Just don't want to rush into anything that could end up coming between the kids friendship. They are super close and have been for years.

Shaken1976
09-30-2013, 03:58 PM
Ummmm...correct me if I am wrong but don't domineering husbands usually make their wives cook?



Unless he is gay, you could.

Nothing this weekend. We hung out and had dinner. Had a movie night with the kiddos.

raider8169
11-04-2013, 09:38 PM
This seems similair to what I am going through now. Found out my wife was cheating on me for the last 6 years. The first guy's family was best friends with mine. His kid called me dad and vice virsa. Now that everyone is out in the open and both sides are going through a divorce I am finding that his wife is great support for me and I am to her. I do not think anything real will come out of it after the divorces are done but for the time being we are friends and she already visited me and I am planning to visit her. Its a little different as we have the distance thing going on but we are just taking it day by day and focusing more on our kids and the divorces.

RetC141BFCC
11-21-2013, 03:58 PM
Nothing this weekend. We hung out and had dinner. Had a movie night with the kiddos.

Ok Shaken
It has been over a month time for a update. Well are you guys a couple yet or just friends?

Shaken1976
11-21-2013, 04:07 PM
Ok Shaken
It has been over a month time for a update. Well are you guys a couple yet or just friends?

He sent me a text awhile back basically laying it all on the line. We went from there. I have met his family...he has met mine. We are just taking it a day at a time though. We have a lot of fun together. The kids adore each other. When they are in town we all crash at the same house because they don't want to be apart. Most evenings he is at my house for a few hours and has dinner with us. It has been really cool, no pressure, and just having a lot of fun together.

TJMAC77SP
11-21-2013, 06:19 PM
He sent me a text awhile back basically laying it all on the line. We went from there. I have met his family...he has met mine. We are just taking it a day at a time though. We have a lot of fun together. The kids adore each other. When they are in town we all crash at the same house because they don't want to be apart. Most evenings he is at my house for a few hours and has dinner with us. It has been really cool, no pressure, and just having a lot of fun together.

For the dense among us, I assume by "laying it all on the line" that you mean he expressed romantic feelings for you and now you are in that phase of the relationship?

Best wishes

Absinthe Anecdote
11-21-2013, 07:09 PM
For the dense among us, I assume by "laying it all on the line" that you mean he expressed romantic feelings for you and now you are in that phase of the relationship?

Best wishes

She will be ok, as long as it isn't Tak.

Shaken1976
11-21-2013, 08:10 PM
For the dense among us, I assume by "laying it all on the line" that you mean he expressed romantic feelings for you and now you are in that phase of the relationship?

Best wishes

Yes. It was like...I hope I am not out of line here...but.... not going to go into the specifics. but you get the idea.

Shaken1976
11-21-2013, 08:11 PM
She will be ok, as long as it isn't Tak.

Nope. Not Tak. I don't mess with married men.

TJMAC77SP
11-21-2013, 08:56 PM
Yes. It was like...I hope I am not out of line here...but.... not going to go into the specifics. but you get the idea.

I do and I meant my best wishes.

Shaken1976
11-21-2013, 09:19 PM
I do and I meant my best wishes.

Thank you. I appreciate it. Both of us were burned previously so we are going kinda slow. But he treats me right. He knows everything I went through with my ex. I know all the crap he went through with his. We kinda went through it together as friends.

BENDER56
11-21-2013, 09:39 PM
Thank you. I appreciate it. Both of us were burned previously so we are going kinda slow. But he treats me right. He knows everything I went through with my ex. I know all the crap he went through with his. We kinda went through it together as friends.

Sounds like you have a genuinely good thing happening here. Good for you, him and your kids.

Shaken1976
12-04-2013, 04:20 PM
Sounds like you have a genuinely good thing happening here. Good for you, him and your kids.

Thanks. I really appreciate it. Will be putting all of this to the test next week I guess. I have to have surgery. I tend to be a pretty awful patient. If he survives that he can survive anything.

raider8169
12-04-2013, 04:59 PM
Good luck!

TSgt"M"
12-04-2013, 06:32 PM
I guess the "question" has been answered.