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sharkhunter
08-14-2013, 11:27 PM
A few months ago, a young airman in our shop was going through a nasty divorce. Early in the week, he had discovered his wife cheated on him multiple times, which pretty much destroyed him. By the end of the week, his wife left had him and their 1 year old and flew back home.
Situations like this are pretty awkward to handle and it brought the morale down in the work center, but this is where Old School AF and New School AF really clashed. Most of us were compassionate to him and were very flexible with him until he got back on his feet (which took about three weeks or so). A few of us were told to watch him like a hawk for anything unusual. However, one TSgt basically told him to shake it off and get back to work. When the airmen was not in the work center, we were briefed not to go soft on him (something I think we all ignored). He even yelled at him for arriving late to work (he was late because he had to find a babysitter since the CDC was full that day).
I know there is no written rule on how much time to allow airmen adjust to their new situations, but is it right to tell him "get back to work" right away?
How much time should an NCOIC or supervisor give an airmen to adjust?

technomage1
08-14-2013, 11:30 PM
Guess I'm old school then. Call if you're going to be late, regardless of the reason.

Ripcord
08-15-2013, 12:37 AM
A few months ago, a young airman in our shop was going through a nasty divorce. Early in the week, he had discovered his wife cheated on him multiple times, which pretty much destroyed him. By the end of the week, his wife left had him and their 1 year old and flew back home.
Situations like this are pretty awkward to handle and it brought the morale down in the work center, but this is where Old School AF and New School AF really clashed. Most of us were compassionate to him and were very flexible with him until he got back on his feet (which took about three weeks or so). A few of us were told to watch him like a hawk for anything unusual. However, one TSgt basically told him to shake it off and get back to work. When the airmen was not in the work center, we were briefed not to go soft on him (something I think we all ignored). He even yelled at him for arriving late to work (he was late because he had to find a babysitter since the CDC was full that day).
I know there is no written rule on how much time to allow airmen adjust to their new situations, but is it right to tell him "get back to work" right away?
How much time should an NCOIC or supervisor give an airmen to adjust?


The very first issue I had to deal with as a shirt was exactly this...except it was a member of senior leadership. Awkward to say the least. Had a few more since. every one of them resulted in the member becoming "disconnected" at work for a few weeks/months.

Anyway, I've found the best way to deal with this as a work center is to surround him with support. His outside support network (wife) is now gone and it is probably devastating him. His military family needs to step in and fill the void. Unless you've been through this you have absolutely no idea what its like. Hell on Earth. It will be a roller coaster for months and he will need you all to keep him on the right track and involved. Certainly hold him accountable and make sure he is doing his duty but reality is he won't be 100% for quite some time. Not an excuse but that is where a good supervisor will come into play and possibly adjust his duties/schedule to fit.

Oh yeah and make sure he is getting professional help too. counseling is huge...whatever source it comes from. as a supervisor or shirt be prepared and open to long sessions where he may just want to vent. the therapeutic value of just venting cannot be underestimated.

Talk to your local shirt too for advice...

sigecaps
08-15-2013, 07:45 AM
What you guys could have done is given him command-directed sessions to seek mental health counseling. This will keep him out of the office while making sure mentally he's still good to go. I had a friend who came back from Iraq sort of messed up mentally. He was tied up in those sessions weekly and daily on bad weeks. My command was very understanding about it. I remember one day my friend's meds weren't working for him that day and he was just like I'm not going to come in. The command was like hey I just want you to spend your day with SSgt XXXX. And that was my duty day. I went to his apartment, we had pizza, ordered a movie, and just hung out. That human connection really helped him and he was back to work the next day. I'm not saying that what he went through is the same thing this Airman is going through, to tell you the truth I'm not sure what's worse, but as long as they get help that's what is important.

Drackore
08-15-2013, 10:17 AM
I admit I can be a pretty gruff and crusty SOB at times, but when someone is going through that and all you can say is "I don't care, get back to work", you are a fucking idiot and shouldn't be in the Air Force. You shouldn't be in charge of people, you shouldn't be wearing the uniform, you are a danger to yourself and others, and you are a fucking joke. I'll say that to your face. You make me sick. You take a person that is going through that, because some people actually are quite sensitive to their spouses leaving them. They get very distracted and emotional, and I personally wouldn't want that person, who was told to "get back to work" to be working on a plane or a parachute or a weapon system that I somehow come into contact with....all because you wanted to be a hardass, old school tough guy.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't subscribe to this current, handhold, babysit Air Force either. I don't ask people why they forgot to do shit. I don't agree with giving homosexuals free leave so they can go off to get married (I don't agree with giving anyone free leave to get married). I don't believe in giving single parents special treatment over other people, and I was a single parent for a time. If you fuck up, I am going to fix you with the lowest possible method. If that doesn't work, I am going to elevate my methods. If those don't work, I'll elevate it to the next level. When that level asks what I did, I'll show them. If they ask why I didn't try to coddle you and hold your hand, I remove myself from the situation. The UCMJ and MCM don't tell me I have to do that crap.

All that said...a guy or gal going through a divorce need understanding and compassion, but they don't get a ticket to run rampant. There is middle ground. Everyone wants to go to extremes in these cases and it drives me nuts. Let them take some leave to get their lives sorted. Get the Shirt to get their kids into the CDC and don't let the CDC play the "We're full" game...most time there is room that they are reserving. If you are stateside you can probably find better daycare for cheaper offbase anyways. Overseas is another issue. The Air Force Family Care program is a disugsting legal joke that is a torment for both First Sgts and single and mil/mil parents. Supervisors are wise to learn about these nightmares.

I knew one asshole TSgt a few years back that would intentionally put single parents he got control of on night shifts. They would ask if they could rotate off nights and he'd say no, he needed them on nights....always. When I got wind of this I would steal his shift schedules and after six months I was able to prove to the Commnader that his single parents were always on night shifts while others had been rotated out. His explanation, and to his credit at least he answered honestly: If they can't handle it they can ask to leave the Air Force. He disappeared. No idea where he went or what became of him. What a douche. But on the flip side, I've seen supervisors let single parents walk all over them, and the others had to pick up the slack. That's bullshit too.

Rainmaker
08-15-2013, 11:57 AM
The very first issue I had to deal with as a shirt was exactly this...except it was a member of senior leadership. Awkward to say the least. Had a few more since. every one of them resulted in the member becoming "disconnected" at work for a few weeks/months.

Anyway, I've found the best way to deal with this as a work center is to surround him with support. His outside support network (wife) is now gone and it is probably devastating him. His military family needs to step in and fill the void. Unless you've been through this you have absolutely no idea what its like. Hell on Earth. It will be a roller coaster for months and he will need you all to keep him on the right track and involved. Certainly hold him accountable and make sure he is doing his duty but reality is he won't be 100% for quite some time. Not an excuse but that is where a good supervisor will come into play and possibly adjust his duties/schedule to fit.

Oh yeah and make sure he is getting professional help too. counseling is huge...whatever source it comes from. as a supervisor or shirt be prepared and open to long sessions where he may just want to vent. the therapeutic value of just venting cannot be underestimated.

Talk to your local shirt too for advice...

What a bunch of new-age wimpy psychobable Bullshit. Waaa. I need my resiliancy.!! Take a couple days off. get your life squared away. and then Man the hell up and get back to work. Counseling after a divorce is a waste of time. Talking about relationship problems only makes them worse. How can you get your mind off your problems when you're always talking about em? This guy should be looking at it as a positive and thanking his lucky stars that this skank left town before his kid was old enough to be corrupted by her. Not only that. But, she left him with a built in babe magnet.! Chicks dig single men that take care of their business. specially their kids. The Best thing about getting a divorce is getting some new trim! erry thorn has it's rose.

OtisRNeedleman
08-15-2013, 04:03 PM
The very first issue I had to deal with as a shirt was exactly this...except it was a member of senior leadership. Awkward to say the least. Had a few more since. every one of them resulted in the member becoming "disconnected" at work for a few weeks/months.

Anyway, I've found the best way to deal with this as a work center is to surround him with support. His outside support network (wife) is now gone and it is probably devastating him. His military family needs to step in and fill the void. Unless you've been through this you have absolutely no idea what its like. Hell on Earth. It will be a roller coaster for months and he will need you all to keep him on the right track and involved. Certainly hold him accountable and make sure he is doing his duty but reality is he won't be 100% for quite some time. Not an excuse but that is where a good supervisor will come into play and possibly adjust his duties/schedule to fit.

Oh yeah and make sure he is getting professional help too. counseling is huge...whatever source it comes from. as a supervisor or shirt be prepared and open to long sessions where he may just want to vent. the therapeutic value of just venting cannot be underestimated.

Talk to your local shirt too for advice...

This happened to me when I was at Ft Meade. Wife decided to end the marriage, left me pretty much overnight a single dad. I was out of it for months. Even now, I have almost no memories of a solid year of my life.

The office support network came to my rescue. Division chief knew exactly what I was going through, having been through a nasty divorce himself. I never said anything to my unit. Didn't want them messing with me. A teammate turned me on to the lawyer who got her husband out of his first marriage. He got me out of mine, too. I did what I could. Didn't go to counseling since I didn't want my clearance pulled. But thanks to my support group and God I made it through with my kids.

Now I have a very good friend going through a rough divorce. I pay my support group from 20 years ago back by supporting my friend.

No, support the troop and keep giving gentle guidance. They WILL eventually come out of that funk. I know. I been.

OtisRNeedleman
08-15-2013, 04:05 PM
What a bunch of new-age wimpy psychobable Bullshit. Waaa. I need my resiliancy.!! Take a couple days off. get your life squared away. and then Man the hell up and get back to work. Counseling after a divorce is a waste of time. Talking about relationship problems only makes them worse. How can you get your mind off your problems when you're always talking about em? This guy should be looking at it as a positive and thanking his lucky stars that this skank left town before his kid was old enough to be corrupted by her. Not only that. But, she left him with a built in babe magnet.! Chicks dig single men that take care of their business. specially their kids. The Best thing about getting a divorce is getting some new trim! erry thorn has it's rose.

Hope you're just kidding. Otherwise, you haven't a clue on this.

BRUWIN
08-15-2013, 07:45 PM
I admit I can be a pretty gruff and crusty SOB at times, but when someone is going through that and all you can say is "I don't care, get back to work", you are a fucking idiot and shouldn't be in the Air Force. You shouldn't be in charge of people, you shouldn't be wearing the uniform, you are a danger to yourself and others, and you are a fucking joke. I'll say that to your face. You make me sick. You take a person that is going through that, because some people actually are quite sensitive to their spouses leaving them. They get very distracted and emotional, and I personally wouldn't want that person, who was told to "get back to work" to be working on a plane or a parachute or a weapon system that I somehow come into contact with....all because you wanted to be a hardass, old school tough guy.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't subscribe to this current, handhold, babysit Air Force either. I don't ask people why they forgot to do shit. I don't agree with giving homosexuals free leave so they can go off to get married (I don't agree with giving anyone free leave to get married). I don't believe in giving single parents special treatment over other people, and I was a single parent for a time. If you fuck up, I am going to fix you with the lowest possible method. If that doesn't work, I am going to elevate my methods. If those don't work, I'll elevate it to the next level. When that level asks what I did, I'll show them. If they ask why I didn't try to coddle you and hold your hand, I remove myself from the situation. The UCMJ and MCM don't tell me I have to do that crap.



I'd work for you any day. It is amazing to me how some supervisors lack any sort of empathy whatsoever. I guess they equate empathy for being taken advantage of and are more worried about how they are perceived than the welfare of their troops..

Chief_KO
08-15-2013, 10:09 PM
The last thing to do is turn your back on him/her. Just having that talk (outside the workplace...actually away from the base) can be a great start. Visit the house to make sure he/she is doing okay and they're not sitting in an empty shell of their former life surrounded by reminders of what once was.
Make sure the CCF/CCM/CC know the situation so they don't come down hard on him/her not knowing what is going on. There is nothing worse than being the CCM and saying "Hey Bob, how's the wife?" not knowing of the problem.

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 02:24 AM
Hope you're just kidding. Otherwise, you haven't a clue on this.

What ?? you can't handle useful insight?

OtisRNeedleman
08-16-2013, 04:18 AM
What ?? you can't handle useful insight?

If I thought you were serious, I'd say the post was neither insightful nor useful.

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 01:35 PM
A few months ago, a young airman in our shop was going through a nasty divorce. Early in the week, he had discovered his wife cheated on him multiple times, which pretty much destroyed him. By the end of the week, his wife left had him and their 1 year old and flew back home.
Situations like this are pretty awkward to handle and it brought the morale down in the work center, but this is where Old School AF and New School AF really clashed. Most of us were compassionate to him and were very flexible with him until he got back on his feet (which took about three weeks or so). A few of us were told to watch him like a hawk for anything unusual. However, one TSgt basically told him to shake it off and get back to work. When the airmen was not in the work center, we were briefed not to go soft on him (something I think we all ignored). He even yelled at him for arriving late to work (he was late because he had to find a babysitter since the CDC was full that day).
I know there is no written rule on how much time to allow airmen adjust to their new situations, but is it right to tell him "get back to work" right away?
How much time should an NCOIC or supervisor give an airmen to adjust?

Mine ex left me with 2 kids with the same situation last year. I had everything situtated to take care of the kids right away, but emotionally, it was 6 months. I did the military one source counseling and chaplin. Its tough for those that really love their wives to get this kind of news, its even harder if you had an inclining that she was doing it but ignored it till she actually did leave. Its like crushing your spirit and hopes that you are confident you would have never selected someone to be your wife that could do this to you. Its pride. The TSgt doesnt sound like he had ever been through that before, or maybe he just had a different situtation. Everyone is different and treating everyone the way you handled it or would think you would handle it is just wrong.

Strong advice for the guy.
No cussing at his wife
No touching her.
No sex until she fully repents if she says she wants to come back. Read "I dont love you anymore" to get the jist of what full repentance means. Sex negates all adultry accusations.
No threats.
No angry texts, emails,
And no cutting her off finacially. If she always depended on him for money, he still needs to provide a minimum. But open a new bank account to where most of his check will go while still allowing her some access to funds.
No sex with other women either. Focus on the kids, not on getting a new relationship going.
This all came from my lawyer, and if my ex wanted to go to court, it was going to be bad for her.

OtisRNeedleman
08-16-2013, 02:21 PM
Mine ex left me with 2 kids with the same situation last year. I had everything situtated to take care of the kids right away, but emotionally, it was 6 months. I did the military one source counseling and chaplin. Its tough for those that really love their wives to get this kind of news, its even harder if you had an inclining that she was doing it but ignored it till she actually did leave. Its like crushing your spirit and hopes that you are confident you would have never selected someone to be your wife that could do this to you. Its pride. The TSgt doesnt sound like he had ever been through that before, or maybe he just had a different situtation. Everyone is different and treating everyone the way you handled it or would think you would handle it is just wrong.

Strong advice for the guy.
No cussing at his wife
No touching her.
No sex until she fully repents if she says she wants to come back. Read "I dont love you anymore" to get the jist of what full repentance means. Sex negates all adultry accusations.
No threats.
No angry texts, emails,
And no cutting her off finacially. If she always depended on him for money, he still needs to provide a minimum. But open a new bank account to where most of his check will go while still allowing her some access to funds.
No sex with other women either. Focus on the kids, not on getting a new relationship going.
This all came from my lawyer, and if my ex wanted to go to court, it was going to be bad for her.

And DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. You don't know what you'll need for a possible custody battle.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-16-2013, 02:28 PM
Mine ex left me with 2 kids with the same situation last year. I had everything situtated to take care of the kids right away, but emotionally, it was 6 months. I did the military one source counseling and chaplin. Its tough for those that really love their wives to get this kind of news, its even harder if you had an inclining that she was doing it but ignored it till she actually did leave. Its like crushing your spirit and hopes that you are confident you would have never selected someone to be your wife that could do this to you. Its pride. The TSgt doesnt sound like he had ever been through that before, or maybe he just had a different situtation. Everyone is different and treating everyone the way you handled it or would think you would handle it is just wrong.

Strong advice for the guy.
No cussing at his wife
No touching her.
No sex until she fully repents if she says she wants to come back. Read "I dont love you anymore" to get the jist of what full repentance means. Sex negates all adultry accusations.
No threats.
No angry texts, emails,
And no cutting her off finacially. If she always depended on him for money, he still needs to provide a minimum. But open a new bank account to where most of his check will go while still allowing her some access to funds.
No sex with other women either. Focus on the kids, not on getting a new relationship going.
This all came from my lawyer, and if my ex wanted to go to court, it was going to be bad for her.

Great advice! But "Mine Ex" sounds like something Colonel Klink would say.

Anyway, once a relationship starts to sour it is hard to salvage.

I wasted a good chunk of me twenties trying to save a marriage that I had no business being in to begin with.

Unfortunately you'll have to figure out what is the best move while being an emotional wreck.

Getting divorced sucks but it really can change your life for the better.

AlexCross
08-16-2013, 02:42 PM
Some great advice here. A little more...

Don't badmouth the ex to the kids. They will figure it out on their own.

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 02:52 PM
Some great advice here. A little more...

Don't badmouth the ex to the kids. They will figure it out on their own.

Troof. Nobody like hearing bad words bout dey Momma. Even if she is a hO

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 03:06 PM
Mine ex left me with 2 kids with the same situation last year. I had everything situtated to take care of the kids right away, but emotionally, it was 6 months. I did the military one source counseling and chaplin. Its tough for those that really love their wives to get this kind of news, its even harder if you had an inclining that she was doing it but ignored it till she actually did leave. Its like crushing your spirit and hopes that you are confident you would have never selected someone to be your wife that could do this to you. Its pride. The TSgt doesnt sound like he had ever been through that before, or maybe he just had a different situtation. Everyone is different and treating everyone the way you handled it or would think you would handle it is just wrong.

Strong advice for the guy.
No cussing at his wife
No touching her.
No sex until she fully repents if she says she wants to come back. Read "I dont love you anymore" to get the jist of what full repentance means. Sex negates all adultry accusations.
No threats.
No angry texts, emails,
And no cutting her off finacially. If she always depended on him for money, he still needs to provide a minimum. But open a new bank account to where most of his check will go while still allowing her some access to funds.
No sex with other women either. Focus on the kids, not on getting a new relationship going.
This all came from my lawyer, and if my ex wanted to go to court, it was going to be bad for her.

You mean to say that his actually acting like a man and controlling his emotions might actually help his situation? instead of laying around the house in a fetal position eating ice cream and crying. What a concept!

Seriously folks. some of the responses to this thread sound like a case study in the pussification of the western male. for crying out loud Man up bitchez... it Time for him to bust out the tangaray and viagra and go to the club and knock the bottom out some fat chick. You fall off the horse. you Get back in the saddle. NomSayin?!

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 03:12 PM
Great advice! But "Mine Ex" sounds like something Colonel Klink would say.

Anyway, once a relationship starts to sour it is hard to salvage.

I wasted a good chunk of me twenties trying to save a marriage that I had no business being in to begin with.

Unfortunately you'll have to figure out what is the best move while being an emotional wreck.

Getting divorced sucks but it really can change your life for the better.

NomSayin. I'm on a boat Muhfugga!

BRUWIN
08-16-2013, 03:13 PM
You mean to say that his actually acting like a man and controlling his emotions might actually help his situation? instead of laying around the house in a fetal position eating ice cream and crying.



I eat chocolate ice cream when I get depressed...it's been proven that chocolate releases endorphins that make me feel better.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-16-2013, 03:14 PM
You mean to say that his actually acting like a man and controlling his emotions might actually help his situation? instead of laying around the house in a fetal position eating ice cream and crying. What a concept!

Seriously folks. some of the responses to this thread sound like a case study in the pussification of the western male. for crying out loud Man up bitchez... it Time for him to bust out the tangaray and viagra and go to the club and knock the bottom out some fat chick. You fall off the horse. you Get back in the saddle. NomSayin?!

Stop breaking character!

Either be the streetwise philosopher 100 percent of the time or drop the routine altogether.

There was entirely too much khaki pants from the Gap and not enough Urban Outfitters in that post.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-16-2013, 03:16 PM
NomSayin. I'm on a boat Muhfugga!

Much better!

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 03:25 PM
Stop breaking character!

Either be the streetwise philosopher 100 percent of the time or drop the routine altogether.

There was entirely too much khaki pants from the Gap and not enough Urban Outfitters in that post.

Erry once in a while Rainmaker gotta take a "academic time out" from his exercise for a Teachable moment. Rainmaker Truthiness is bigger than his ego. NomSayin?

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 03:57 PM
You mean to say that his actually acting like a man and controlling his emotions might actually help his situation? instead of laying around the house in a fetal position eating ice cream and crying. What a concept!

Seriously folks. some of the responses to this thread sound like a case study in the pussification of the western male. for crying out loud Man up bitchez... it Time for him to bust out the tangaray and viagra and go to the club and knock the bottom out some fat chick. You fall off the horse. you Get back in the saddle. NomSayin?!I did all of that while still being an emotional wreck. Its about setting focus on what needs to be done.

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 03:58 PM
I eat chocolate ice cream when I get depressed...it's been proven that chocolate releases endorphins that make me feel better.

I lost 40 lbs and went from a 37 inch waist to 32 in a month. Awesome diet plan really.

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 04:04 PM
Seriously. what a change in society. the words used to describe some tramp leaving "Hell on earth, destroyed him, venting for hours". Yeah. let's just let this chick keep dominating him for weeks/months, lets keep him dwelling on it all the time. that'll help. come on people.

when Rainmaker went thru his 1st divorce. His 1sgts only advise to him was "take a couple days to get your affairs in order and then come back, focus on your duties. it'll keep your mind off of it and this experience will make you a better supervisor some day".

and that advice was absolutely good and true then. and still is now.

Having Reason and accountability are what make us MEN, Not Women. Fucking up on your job because you're sad. is not having accountability or reason. In short.. it ain't manly. He's better off without this tramp anyway! Why you crying peoples?

Capt Alfredo
08-16-2013, 04:25 PM
Seriously. what a change in society. the words used to describe some tramp leaving "Hell on earth, destroyed him, venting for hours". Yeah. let's just let this chick keep dominating him for weeks/months, lets keep him dwelling on it all the time. that'll help. come on people.

when Rainmaker went thru his 1st divorce. His 1sgts only advise to him was "take a couple days to get your affairs in order and then come back, focus on your duties. it'll keep your mind off of it and this experience will make you a better supervisor some day".

and that advice was absolutely good and true then. and still is now.

Having Reason and accountability are what make us MEN, Not Women. Fucking up on your job because you're sad. is not having accountability or reason. In short.. it ain't manly. He's better off without this tramp anyway! Why you crying peoples?

That's some good trollin' right there.

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 04:50 PM
Seriously. what a change in society. the words used to describe some tramp leaving "Hell on earth, destroyed him, venting for hours". Yeah. let's just let this chick keep dominating him for weeks/months, lets keep him dwelling on it all the time. that'll help. come on people.

when Rainmaker went thru his 1st divorce. His 1sgts only advise to him was "take a couple days to get your affairs in order and then come back, focus on your duties. it'll keep your mind off of it and this experience will make you a better supervisor some day".

and that advice was absolutely good and true then. and still is now.

Having Reason and accountability are what make us MEN, Not Women. Fucking up on your job because you're sad. is not having accountability or reason. In short.. it ain't manly. He's better off without this tramp anyway! Why you crying peoples?

Because not everyone is cold hearted sociopath. Yes, staying busy can keep your mind off it, I agree. But for some, the physical labor that you dont need your head for is scarce in some career fields. If I had something physical to do instead of troubleshooting all day, it would have been easier.

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 04:56 PM
Because not everyone is cold hearted sociopath.[/B] Yes, staying busy can keep your mind off it, I agree. But for some, the physical labor that you dont need your head for is scarce in some career fields. If I had something physical to do instead of troubleshooting all day, it would have been easier.

Funny. those the exact words Meleishia used to describe Rainmaker when she left!. But, Rainmaker man-up, say good bye, good luck, good riddance to this bimbo. The quicker he can do that. the better off for boff him and his chitlin. Time to move on. NomSayin?

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 05:04 PM
Funny. those the exact words Meleishia used to describe Rainmaker when she left!. But, Rainmaker man-up, say good bye, good luck, good riddance to this bimbo. The quicker he can do that. the better off for boff him and his chitlin. Time to move on. NomSayin?

No....because not everyone has the healing powers of wolverine. Some people can. Some people cant. A cheating spouse can turn people in to heartless people who will never settle down again. While others with latch on to the first piece of tail that comes their way and get married right away to another tramp. It takes time and rushing it leads to unresolved issues.

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 05:11 PM
No....because not everyone has the healing powers of wolverine. Some people can. Some people cant. A cheating spouse can turn people in to heartless people who will never settle down again. While others with latch on to the first piece of tail that comes their way and get married right away to another tramp. It takes time and rushing it leads to unresolved issues.

A cheating spouse can't turn people into anything they don't want to be turned into. MEN make the decision how to react to it all on their own. Be accountable for yourself. It's up to you how you react. Use your Reason as your guide in trouble times. Not your Feelings. Hear Me My Brothas?

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 05:13 PM
A cheating spouse can't turn people into anything they don't want to be turned into. People make the decision how to react to it on their own. It's up to you how you react. Hear Me My Brotha?

Most people dont have a clear head at this point. A lot of people latch on to the next woman/man that shows any signs of interest because relationships are like a drug. Its why the divorce rate steadly climbs through number 2, 3, 4 and so on. People typically dont take the time to heal properly.

Rainmaker
08-16-2013, 05:19 PM
Most people dont have a clear head at this point. A lot of people latch on to the next woman/man that shows any signs of interest because relationships are like a drug. Its why the divorce rate steadly climbs through number 2, 3, 4 and so on. People typically dont take the time to heal properly.

That's why Rainmaker recommend "going ugly early" whenever you on the rebound. temptation is to go for broke before you ready.
A couple good fluffy "practice girls" just to get you back in game. , so you don't get discouraged too early if you get rejected. or worse Pw'D, if you do get the babe.

BLUF: After a break up, Go ugly early Men! It builds back up self-confidence. NomSayin.

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 05:27 PM
That's why Rainmaker recommend "going ugly early" whenever you on the rebound. temptation is to go for broke before you ready.
A couple good fluffy "practice girls" just to get you back in game. , so you don't get discouraged too early if you get rejected. or worse Pw'D, if you do get the babe.

BLUF: After a break up, Go ugly early Men! It builds back up self-confidence. NomSayin.I know what you are saying here. But he still needs to wait till AFTER the divorce is final, or else he can really be in trouble through UCMJ and the divorce process. Mine took 7 months, and we never went to court.

20+Years
08-16-2013, 05:34 PM
This thread isn't at all what I thought it was.

There was a new divorcee in my shop once that I supported. :3some:

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 05:38 PM
That's why Rainmaker recommend "going ugly early" whenever you on the rebound. temptation is to go for broke before you ready.
A couple good fluffy "practice girls" just to get you back in game. , so you don't get discouraged too early if you get rejected. or worse Pw'D, if you do get the babe.

BLUF: After a break up, Go ugly early Men! It builds back up self-confidence. NomSayin.This right here is a great piece of advice I think. Looking back, I didnt mean to do it, but I definately went ugly early. Now the chick I am with is stunning and she isnt getting the typical "grovel" from me as she has from past guys.

SomeRandomGuy
08-16-2013, 05:41 PM
This thread isn't at all what I thought it was.

There was a new divorcee in my shop once that I supported. :3some:

I was thinking the same thing when I saw the title. I was expecting a discussion about how long we should wait before nailing the new divorcee. In my opinion you as always want to get there as soon as possible. Its bad for the self esteem if you end up being the 5th guy in the shop she sleeps with. Makes you wonder why she went with the other four first.

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-16-2013, 05:44 PM
I was thinking the same thing when I saw the title. I was expecting a discussion about how long we should wait before nailing the new divorcee. In my opinion you as always want to get there as soon as possible. Its bad for the self esteem if you end up being the 5th guy in the shop she sleeps with. Makes you wonder why she went with the other four first.

Why would anyone want to sleep with someone they work with? I dont care how hot they are, I will find somewhere else to go cause in the long run its just going to be bad.

20+Years
08-16-2013, 05:46 PM
I was thinking the same thing when I saw the title. I was expecting a discussion about how long we should wait before nailing the new divorcee. In my opinion you as always want to get there as soon as possible. Its bad for the self esteem if you end up being the 5th guy in the shop she sleeps with. Makes you wonder why she went with the other four first.

Thats EXACTLY what I thought this post was.

Dear Crusty,

This girl in my shop has been going through a recent divorce. She could obviously use a friend at this time and I don't mind admitting she is HOT! The other guys in the shop are discussing when/how to ask her out. What is the appropriate amount of time to wait before I nail her?

Thanks,

Air Force Guy

OtisRNeedleman
08-16-2013, 06:27 PM
I know what you are saying here. But he still needs to wait till AFTER the divorce is final, or else he can really be in trouble through UCMJ and the divorce process. Mine took 7 months, and we never went to court.

Depends on the individual case. In my case, kids' mother agreed to the divorce and my getting custody of the kids because she knew I'd press UCMJ charges against her new guy. Whole process took about eighteen months. Didn't go to court per se but went to a lawyer's office where a "special master" basically rubber-stamped the agreement and made the divorce final. About eight months prior to seeing the special master I met someone. My lawyer said it would be okay to have a relationship with her. Great six months. Things ended around the time the divorce was final. A bit sad, but understandable. I married again a good five-and-a-half years later.

FWIW, in the same week where I learned my marriage was over I also got the word, from a smiling O-6 at NSA, that I'd gotten a "P" in the primary zone for major instead of the "DP" I expected. Had just returned to Air Force Intel Command after nine years in ATC. Guess they figured they shouldn't waste a DP on me. So that REALLY raised the stress/depression level for several months. Happily, I was picked up for major, and things started getting better. I knew I could get to 20 and retirement. Also knew, after the way Air Force Intel Command did me, that I owed them nothing. Since it wasn't likely I'd see lieutenant colonel, I just did what I could at work and kept my kids top priority.

f4mechanic
08-16-2013, 08:13 PM
Wow, this topic takes me wayyyyy back in time to my first divorce.

One day my squadron Chief called me into his office and I had no clue why. I was rather nervous because no one got called in unless they were in trouble. I walked in and the 1st shirt was there too. The Chief looked at me and said..... Amn, I do not know if you know this or not but your wife is the barracks lizard at the SP barracks. Whatever is going on with you and your wife, YOU will not let it effect your work and you WILL leave your outside problems at home. Period. Dismissed. Holy Shitfire !!!!!!!!!!!! This floored the hell out of me. To make it even worse, she ended up with my best friend in the Auto Pilot shot ! Here is how I found this out. A three day weekend came up and she told me I should go camping and fishing because she knew I was exhausted from all my TDYs and work hours. Of course I jumped at the chance and went to borrow some camping stuff from my best friend. The first night at the camp site, I started feeling guilty about leaving her to take care of our three kids because I had been gone from home so much. Therefore, I packed up around 0230 and headed home but decided to drop off the borrowed camping gear at my friends house. Well, I drive up to the house that was pitch dark and saw my wife's car in the driveway. hmmmmm...... I just went home, packed her suitcases and left them on the front porch. She finally got home around 1030 and did not have the kids with her. She asked what the suit cases were doing on the front porch and I told her she could take them with her right back to where she just came from. Found out that the kids had spent the night at her girlfriends house. I went and got the kids. I filed for divorce that Monday and eventually got custody of the kids. Yepper, my kids came first and I did all I could to make sure I did my job as usual and still take care of the youngins. I am not saying it was easy but we survived.

Just my two cents and story..........

OtisRNeedleman
08-18-2013, 04:42 AM
Wow, this topic takes me wayyyyy back in time to my first divorce.

One day my squadron Chief called me into his office and I had no clue why. I was rather nervous because no one got called in unless they were in trouble. I walked in and the 1st shirt was there too. The Chief looked at me and said..... Amn, I do not know if you know this or not but your wife is the barracks lizard at the SP barracks. Whatever is going on with you and your wife, YOU will not let it effect your work and you WILL leave your outside problems at home. Period. Dismissed. Holy Shitfire !!!!!!!!!!!! This floored the hell out of me. To make it even worse, she ended up with my best friend in the Auto Pilot shot ! Here is how I found this out. A three day weekend came up and she told me I should go camping and fishing because she knew I was exhausted from all my TDYs and work hours. Of course I jumped at the chance and went to borrow some camping stuff from my best friend. The first night at the camp site, I started feeling guilty about leaving her to take care of our three kids because I had been gone from home so much. Therefore, I packed up around 0230 and headed home but decided to drop off the borrowed camping gear at my friends house. Well, I drive up to the house that was pitch dark and saw my wife's car in the driveway. hmmmmm...... I just went home, packed her suitcases and left them on the front porch. She finally got home around 1030 and did not have the kids with her. She asked what the suit cases were doing on the front porch and I told her she could take them with her right back to where she just came from. Found out that the kids had spent the night at her girlfriends house. I went and got the kids. I filed for divorce that Monday and eventually got custody of the kids. Yepper, my kids came first and I did all I could to make sure I did my job as usual and still take care of the youngins. I am not saying it was easy but we survived.

Just my two cents and story..........

I'm sorry to hear what happened and how you were treated by your E-9. He certainly sounded like the soul of human kindness, meant most sarcastically. A CHIEF would have handled things differently.

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-19-2013, 06:41 PM
Depends on the individual case. In my case, kids' mother agreed to the divorce and my getting custody of the kids because she knew I'd press UCMJ charges against her new guy. Whole process took about eighteen months. Didn't go to court per se but went to a lawyer's office where a "special master" basically rubber-stamped the agreement and made the divorce final. About eight months prior to seeing the special master I met someone. My lawyer said it would be okay to have a relationship with her. Great six months. Things ended around the time the divorce was final. A bit sad, but understandable. I married again a good five-and-a-half years later.

I couldnt press charges. All I could do was sit back and wait for the divorce to be final. She thought she could drag it out to test the waters and if the new bf wasnt what she expected she could come back. But once my lawyer turned the temp custody hearing into a final hearing, she signed the agreement instead of going to court and getting supervised visitations. Needless to say once the Dbag bf threatened to punch her in the face, she decided to come back, and I closed that door on her.

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-19-2013, 06:50 PM
I would say have the guys take him out for a night, not to get him totally shit faced, just buzz and having a good time while the kids are watched by a spouse.

imported_chipotleboy
08-19-2013, 08:21 PM
FWIW, in the same week where I learned my marriage was over I also got the word, from a smiling O-6 at NSA, that I'd gotten a "P" in the primary zone for major instead of the "DP" I expected. Had just returned to Air Force Intel Command after nine years in ATC. Guess they figured they shouldn't waste a DP on me. So that REALLY raised the stress/depression level for several months. Happily, I was picked up for major, and things started getting better. I knew I could get to 20 and retirement. Also knew, after the way Air Force Intel Command did me, that I owed them nothing. Since it wasn't likely I'd see lieutenant colonel, I just did what I could at work and kept my kids top priority.

I HATED AFIC! I was at FTD during the '92 post-Cold War officer RIF. I had a guy in my division who was competitively hired to run the Commander's Watch Team. This guy was a DG or Superior Performer at every training opportunity he went to. He got RIF'd because his gaining division chief stratified his folks based on seniority in the division. That meant the Capt with six years on active duty who was doing the same job since he was a brand new 2LT, and had never bothered to start SOS got the highest strat in the division and stayed on active duty.

I took the FTD assignment as a PCA to see if I really wanted to pursue an AFSC change to 14N. It convinced me to stay in the 61 AFSC. Worst assignment of my career.

OtisRNeedleman
08-19-2013, 10:25 PM
I couldnt press charges. All I could do was sit back and wait for the divorce to be final. She thought she could drag it out to test the waters and if the new bf wasnt what she expected she could come back. But once my lawyer turned the temp custody hearing into a final hearing, she signed the agreement instead of going to court and getting supervised visitations. Needless to say once the Dbag bf threatened to punch her in the face, she decided to come back, and I closed that door on her.

If the other guy were military, you could have pressed charges. My then-wife knew I would do it. Already had his name/rank and found his unit. Otherwise, things would have been much more challenging.

Good move on your part closing the door on her. If you hadn't, she would just have done it all over again with someone else.

OtisRNeedleman
08-20-2013, 12:51 AM
I HATED AFIC! I was at FTD during the '92 post-Cold War officer RIF. I had a guy in my division who was competitively hired to run the Commander's Watch Team. This guy was a DG or Superior Performer at every training opportunity he went to. He got RIF'd because his gaining division chief stratified his folks based on seniority in the division. That meant the Capt with six years on active duty who was doing the same job since he was a brand new 2LT, and had never bothered to start SOS got the highest strat in the division and stayed on active duty.

I took the FTD assignment as a PCA to see if I really wanted to pursue an AFSC change to 14N. It convinced me to stay in the 61 AFSC. Worst assignment of my career.
Don't blame you at all for hating AFIC. I spent most of my career as a SIGINT person outside AFIC, or whatever it was called at the time. ATC treated me better than AFIC ever thought about doing.

imported_WILDJOKER5
08-20-2013, 11:15 AM
If the other guy were military, you could have pressed charges. My then-wife knew I would do it. Already had his name/rank and found his unit. Otherwise, things would have been much more challenging.

Good move on your part closing the door on her. If you hadn't, she would just have done it all over again with someone else.

He wasnt. Part about living in the states, there are a whole bunch more guys to find then just military.