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Shaken1976
08-02-2013, 02:18 PM
I have two stories I will share...one may be a bit TMI but it is funny.

It was right when we started doing official PT tests. I was doing my situps and feeling a bit gassy. But I figured I could get the situps knocked out with no issue. No such luck. It was LOUD. The person holding my feet fell over laughing, I started laughing, and the person running the test that day started laughing. This was when you were still tested by squadron members. I had to PCS to be able to live that one down.


The second one wasn't really my fault. I was working inside hydraulic unit. Someone else was above me filling the hydraulic unit while talking to me. They quit paying attention to what they were doing and I was a drowned rat of hydraylic fluid.

RobotChicken
08-02-2013, 02:21 PM
"Did it sound like a big 'NO!'?? LOL; you are so full of it!" (made my day!) LOL!

Sergeant eNYgma
08-02-2013, 02:29 PM
Wife emailed me at work to ask for info for some event we were attending. When I was responding to her I also had a window up from my supervisor who also requested info from me. I was responding to my wife and something like "Man thanks for last night you really put shit down" and sent it to my superviser.

She read the email and said "WTF, I don't want to read about your sex life, but this is hilarious"...didn't get paperwork thankfully...

imported_DannyJ
08-02-2013, 03:12 PM
Wife emailed me at work to ask for info for some event we were attending. When I was responding to her I also had a window up from my supervisor who also requested info from me. I was responding to my wife and something like "Man thanks for last night you really put shit down" and sent it to my superviser.

She read the email and said "WTF, I don't want to read about your sex life, but this is hilarious"...didn't get paperwork thankfully...

Something similar happened to me. Accidently told the DO via email that I would be late from work, but would make it up to her ;) (the D.O. was a man btw).

Measure Man
08-02-2013, 03:37 PM
One day I went home for lunch to find my mother had sent me a care package. Among the items in the care package was a Georgia Bulldogs hat. I liked the hat, so I tried it on and got it adjusted right, the bill cap bent the way I like it, etc.

At the end of the lunch, I returned to the shop...as I'm walking from my car to the building a few guys were hanging out at the smoke pit and they start cracking up and saying "Hey, nice hat, but don't think that's authorized." I forgot to change back to my unit hat. Doh!

jpeters
08-02-2013, 09:14 PM
I was in tech school at Keesler and we were in formation getting ready to march to class. I think I may have been falling asleep standing up but the Chief called for accountability for my floor, it startled me, and since I'm left handed the hand I use most of the time went up. I gave accountability saluting with my left hand…bad thing is no one noticed but the guys behind me. They started laughing which brought the “tough guy” red rope over to see what was so funny. Of course they told the rope, who then told the Chief, who then called me up and yelled at me in front of the entire S-Shift. Good times.

ttribe
08-02-2013, 09:26 PM
My roommate in Germany walked in as I was... In cop speak... Roughing up the suspect..... What can I say, I was young, and it had been a while since my last trip up to Frankfurt and "The Stairs".
It was funny in retrospect. I contemplated setting him up so he would catch me again, this time I would have a picture of his mom in one hand and in the other...........

TWilliams
08-02-2013, 09:30 PM
I was on the retreat detail during NCOA and the guys before crossed the ropes when they anchored them during reveillie. Well we didn't notcie this since they were crossed towards the top of the flagpole and when it was time for me to lower the flag, the rope wouldn't budge, making me look like the weakest human on the planet. I was almost climbing the rope by pulling so hard for a couple seconds before we figured out what the problem was. It was a good laugh for everyone afterward.

Airborne
08-03-2013, 01:17 AM
YOu know when you have 3-5 days of clogged intestines at the beginning of basic? Then there was the initial PT test. I shat my pants explosively. In the old white cotton PT gear.

BRUWIN
08-03-2013, 02:19 AM
the day I called a female 0-6 Sir several times believing she was a male.

FuelShopTech
08-03-2013, 02:52 AM
I was unhooking an external fuel tank from the certifier, and I forgot to hit the negative pressure relief valve. When I disconnected the hoses from the top, I was immediately blasted in the face with a geyser of JP-8. I got completely soaked and it flooded the entire containment area.

This was also my first official day as a 5-level.

FLAPS, USAF (ret)
08-03-2013, 03:15 AM
As a 2nd Lt I was "hand picked" to lead a Wing retreat ceremony. While the music was playing I held my salute and was completely honored and feeling proud....all until upon the very second the music stopped I called the flight to attention and dismissed them all. Didn't bother waiting for the flag detail to fold the flag, march it over to me for a salute, then march it off. Yep...dumbass move for the wing/CC, group/CCs and command chief to witness.

Chief_KO
08-03-2013, 03:15 AM
At Keesler we made our graduations in our new course nice formal events, Service Dress, lots of visitors (families, friends) usually had the Sq CC and Chaplain as well. Part of the graduation was pinning of the 3-lvl badges. The student chose who they wanted: instructors, parents, spouse, etc. One day a female Airman had her best friend "Amn Suzy Q" do the honors. Well, let me just say that "Suzy Q" was very well...gifted. And as she stood up to come forward I said it was always great to have your best friend there. Unfortunately instead of saying best, I said breast. I thought I covered it and no one (including the CC and Chaplain) caught it. Later in the day we had our staff meeting and my instructors kept asking questions about the upcoming sq picnic, "would there be chicken or just burgers and dogs". Finally, I got frustrated and said I didn't know and what was so important about chicken...then they said "cause there would be breasts" and all broke into laughter. About two months later at a Sq staff meeting the Lt Col turned to me and said "MSgt_KO will you please keep me abreast of the situation" to which he broke into a big $hit eating grin. Only a couple of knew the joke and the rest of the staff just sat there wondering what was going on.

RobotChicken
08-03-2013, 03:20 AM
Wife emailed me at work to ask for info for some event we were attending. When I was responding to her I also had a window up from my supervisor who also requested info from me. I was responding to my wife and something like "Man thanks for last night you really put shit down" and sent it to my superviser.

She read the email and said "WTF, I don't want to read about your sex life, but this is hilarious"...didn't get paperwork thankfully...

"You the MAN!"

Chief_KO
08-03-2013, 03:23 AM
You know when you play the "do you know so and so" game when someone new comes to your unit. TSgt_KO was talking with his new SMSgt boss, when SMSgt said do you know "X"? I was stationed with "X" previously so I went into telling a story of what a great guy he was to work with, etc. When I was done SMSgt said he and "X" were stationed together a while back (as SSgts) and when SMSgt was at work, "X" was at home "porking my wife". To which I could only mumble a weak "well I guess I didn't know "X" that well"... About a month later "X" arrived at a nearby base...

RobotChicken
08-03-2013, 03:25 AM
At Keesler we made our graduations in our new course nice formal events, Service Dress, lots of visitors (families, friends) usually had the Sq CC and Chaplain as well. Part of the graduation was pinning of the 3-lvl badges. The student chose who they wanted: instructors, parents, spouse, etc. One day a female Airman had her best friend "Amn Suzy Q" do the honors. Well, let me just say that "Suzy Q" was very well...gifted. And as she stood up to come forward I said it was always great to have your best friend there. Unfortunately instead of saying best, I said breast. I thought I covered it and no one (including the CC and Chaplain) caught it. Later in the day we had our staff meeting and my instructors kept asking questions about the upcoming sq picnic, "would there be chicken or just burgers and dogs". Finally, I got frustrated and said I didn't know and what was so important about chicken...then they said "cause there would be breasts" and all broke into laughter. About two months later at a Sq staff meeting the Lt Col turned to me and said "MSgt_KO will you please keep me abreast of the situation" to which he broke into a big $hit eating grin. Only a couple of knew the joke and the rest of the staff just sat there wondering what was going on.

"Your killin'me with that story...LMAO!!!" (sounds like something I would do 'multi-tasking') LOL

Chief_KO
08-03-2013, 03:28 AM
"Your killin'me with that story...LMAO!!!" (sounds like something I would do 'multi-tasking') LOL

And my standard defense was that I only said what everyone was thinking...I swear she used to be a waitress at that hot wing owl restaurant before the AF. And she was in civilian clothes that were very...clingy

Silverback
08-03-2013, 03:41 AM
YOu know when you have 3-5 days of clogged intestines at the beginning of basic? Then there was the initial PT test. I shat my pants explosively. In the old white cotton PT gear.

Yeah, I would think that would be pretty embarrassing. I think that is probably the most embarrassing post I have read in this thread in my opinion. I am pretty sure MTIs must have tons of stories about funny things like this….maybe not funny to the individuals at the time, but looking back it’s funny.

retiredAFcivvy
08-03-2013, 04:37 AM
When I was a young airman in personnel, one of the NCO's in the office told me he was going to the latrine. Right after that I took a phone call for him that was from an officer asking to speak to him. I responded that he was away in another office. "Please give me the phone number to that office" was the response. My response.."I'll go get him, sir".

RobotChicken
08-03-2013, 04:41 AM
"I do not remember posting this before...'might have', anyway on a med cruise on the 'Indy' we had a 'Port call' the local mayor,wife etc were coming aboard from the Admirals barge on to the quarter deck of the hanger bay in which 1200 guys were in the process of having a 'short arm inspection'.........NEVER saw European women smile and blush that much! WE had a good liberty night for sure!!" (official Sea Story)

jshiver15
08-03-2013, 12:05 PM
Wasn't me, but something I witnessed. I was back at Keesler for some training and we went up to the "observation deck" to witness a graduation (roughly 12 people in the formation). During the flight leader's speech (male 1LT) he made a euphemism to the effect of "This training was long and hard." Just as he said it, a brand new SrA burst out with "That's what she said!" and then turned beet red. Turned out that the flight pulled one over on him because they were all supposed to yell "That's what she said!" during the speech, but secretly they left him out to dry. He ended up getting an LOC, 1Lt got an LOC, and "That's what she said!" was officially banned from being said in the weather school house.

Gonzo432
08-03-2013, 01:36 PM
the day I called a female 0-6 Sir several times believing she was a male.

Was her voice somewhere between Sam Elliott and Barry White?

imported_AFKILO7
08-03-2013, 02:01 PM
I had surgery a couple of weeks ago...when I got out of surgery and was waking up apparently "I" wasn't the only thing waking up. The nurses and a female Captain from the ortho team were explaining the surgery to my wife and why my leg was wrapped etc. The ENTIRE time I was at the position of attention...when we were getting ready to leave and I was more coherent the lead Dr. walked in with the nurse and said, "Oh good at least I can talk to you without being pointed at."

FML

FLAPS, USAF (ret)
08-03-2013, 05:07 PM
Wasn't me, but something I witnessed. I was back at Keesler for some training and we went up to the "observation deck" to witness a graduation (roughly 12 people in the formation). During the flight leader's speech (male 1LT) he made a euphemism to the effect of "This training was long and hard." Just as he said it, a brand new SrA burst out with "That's what she said!" and then turned beet red. Turned out that the flight pulled one over on him because they were all supposed to yell "That's what she said!" during the speech, but secretly they left him out to dry. He ended up getting an LOC, 1Lt got an LOC, and "That's what she said!" was officially banned from being said in the weather school house.

Thanks for making me choke on my coffee. That was funny as shit.

Rainmaker
08-03-2013, 05:12 PM
I had surgery a couple of weeks ago...when I got out of surgery and was waking up apparently "I" wasn't the only thing waking up. The nurses and a female Captain from the ortho team were explaining the surgery to my wife and why my leg was wrapped etc. The ENTIRE time I was at the position of attention...when we were getting ready to leave and I was more coherent the lead Dr. walked in with the nurse and said, "Oh good at least I can talk to you without being pointed at."

FML

Rainmaker read about this in Penthouse letters.

Mr. Happy
08-03-2013, 07:46 PM
the day I called a female 0-6 Sir several times believing she was a male.

In her mind, she probably was a guy. It was like a compliment.

Slyoldawg
08-03-2013, 11:42 PM
Been so long ago that I don't recall any embarrassing moments that I committed, but one incident of a very embarrassed instructor pilot comes to mind frequently when I am in a group of former flying buddies.

In the seventies Charleston was a very busy C-141 base and along with many missions departing and arriving we shared the runways with a civilian airport. Along with all this activity we had several local training missions going all day long. I usually volunteered for the 06:00 takeoff so that my day was over at 10:00. We spent much of that time shooting crash and dashes then bouncing up to 3,000 feet. It got to be monotonous landing, taking off and bouncing up to 3,000 feet then starting the whole process over again, as we changed pilots to do it all over again.

On one touch and go the tower cleared us to 4,000 feet because of other traffic in the area. The Instructor pilot leveled off at 3,000 feet instead and I reminded him that tower said 4,000 feet because of traffic. The IP told me I was wrong and that he had heard 3,000 feet. I insisted that we were supposed to climb and maintain 4,000 feet and he got pissed at me and told me to shut up and we'd handle this on the ground after the flight was over.

By this time I was really cranked up and told him I didn't give a rat's ass what he was going to do if we survived a mid air but he better climb his ass to 4,000 feet or I would report him to the FAA, IG, Group Commander and anyone else who would listen. The pilot in the jump seat called the tower to verify altitude which was 4,000 feet. Power was immediately applied and we jumped up to 4,000 feet. Now, I've sat behind pilots for many years in the Air Force and I don't believe I ever saw a redder pair of ears than I did on that pilot after this incident. He never said a word to me after that flight until we were scheduled on another one a few months later.

During that second flight with him he had another bad moment and he eventually left the Air Force to go with the FAA in Atlanta.

jondstewart
08-04-2013, 03:43 AM
Annual mile and a half run, circa 1990. I just got off work at 0600, went to eat breakfast, and didn't realize we had to run that morning after I ate! I was only about 21 then, ran it in a little over 11 minutes, then puked my guts out afterwards!

BRUWIN
08-04-2013, 10:11 AM
Was her voice somewhere between Sam Elliott and Barry White?

Actually...she was being briefed by my Squadron CC and myself so she wasn't doing any of the talking.....which may have been a small part of the problem.

waveshaper2
08-04-2013, 01:02 PM
Myself a SNCO and another SNCO who worked for me a the time were doing some Demo ops on the range. We had an observer with us by the name Colonel Mary Hertog and she was wearing blues. Me, my cohort, and Colonel Hertog were in the safe area, with Colonel Hertog standing in between us. The detonation shock wave hit us and my cohort turns to Colonel Hertog an states "I bet that blew your skirt up mam" in a nonchalant tone of voice. I immediately cringed awaiting our imminent #&@ chewing. The good Colonel never chewed us out on the spot or even later on, she politely thanked us for the demonstration and departed.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-04-2013, 01:45 PM
Great story! Slyoldawg

But I'm not buying that you don't remember any embarrassing moments.

You were a Flight Engineer in the wild and crazy 1970's! I heard tales of flight crews back then leaving parties wearing a different sets of underwear than what they arrived in.

Slyoldawg
08-04-2013, 03:55 PM
Great story! Slyoldawg

But I'm not buying that you don't remember any embarrassing moments.

You were a Flight Engineer in the wild and crazy 1970's! I heard tales of flight crews back then leaving parties wearing a different sets of underwear than what they arrived in.

True, but there was nothing embarrassing about that. It was standard procedure after long overwater flights.:evilgrin:

jondstewart
08-04-2013, 06:01 PM
Myself a SNCO and another SNCO who worked for me a the time were doing some Demo ops on the range. We had an observer with us by the name Colonel Mary Hertog and she was wearing blues. Me, my cohort, and Colonel Hertog were in the safe area, with Colonel Hertog standing in between us. The detonation shock wave hit us and my cohort turns to Colonel Hertog an states "I bet that blew your skirt up mam" in a nonchalant tone of voice. I immediately cringed awaiting our imminent #&@ chewing. The good Colonel never chewed us out on the spot or even later on, she politely thanked us for the demonstration and departed.

I totally remember Colonel Hertog during my 12 years at Lackland. A VERY fine lady, for sure! She came to my fitness center regularly to work out. Her husband was the Command Chief on the base too and they looked a lot alike!

Sergeant eNYgma
08-05-2013, 02:23 PM
"You the MAN!"

I'd like to think so, but thought she was going to kill me anyway...

ttribe
08-05-2013, 09:16 PM
Not sure if this falls under most embarrassing or closest to being murdered. I was pulling Bay orderly @ Bolling in 83. I was doing the clean up of the stair wells of Cheshire hall when I found someone had left a mostly full McDonald's drink cup on the stairs. The barracks was an open outside walkway type building. I went to the second floor railing to pour it out before I tossed it. It was mid day and alot of people around. As I poured the soda to the ground a SMSgt in service dress stepped under the stream. He caught the better part of it on his head. He looked up at me a screamed at me for being the dumb airman that I was. I apologized as hard and fast as I could. I was f-ing mortified. He walked away spewing hate and discontent at me. On top of it all was a lot of witness's. They thought it was funnier than I or bad luck Sarg did. For quite a while I was wondering if there was going to be a knock on my door followed by a fist across my face. It's been 30 years. I think I'm safe now.

TSgt"M"
08-05-2013, 09:34 PM
I had a simular one, first assignment. Was told to paint a concrete steps landing at the supply squadron I work at. Was given brushes, rollers, paint, ect. Hung up signs from the outside but could not find where the door exited from.....you see it.....bout the time I'm on the bottom step a MSgt blows out the door. Slips on wet slimy battle ship grey, falls and can't get up. Every time he tries, slips again, and again. Finally craws off the wet paint and goes straight to the shirt. What saved me was the door he exited was a "emergency exit only" out of the computer room. Man that guy was pissed. Squadron did reimburse him for uniform though.

Calmo70
08-05-2013, 09:38 PM
Not so much embarassing to me as to the Airman. Many years ago I was Sup't of my activity (had about 100 people assigned). One morning female A1C asks to talk me alone as she thought she might have done something the previous evening that could get her in trouble. Basically read her rights to her and told her if she told me about anything I could end up being a witness in whatever judicial/non-judicial proceedings might happen. She stated she didn't care - still wanted my advice. I should have called in a witness - but didn't. Anyway - long story shortened. She worked days - husband worked nights. Husband came home early and found her in bedroom with neighbor. Question to me - Since she still had her panties on - would that be considered adultery under the UCMJ? I immediately advised her to see Area Defense Counsel. End Result - husband didn't press charges, they divorced and she eventually ended up as a MTI at Lackland.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-05-2013, 09:45 PM
Not so much embarassing to me as to the Airman. Many years ago I was Sup't of my activity (had about 100 people assigned). One morning female A1C asks to talk me alone as she thought she might have done something the previous evening that could get her in trouble. Basically read her rights to her and told her if she told me about anything I could end up being a witness in whatever judicial/non-judicial proceedings might happen. She stated she didn't care - still wanted my advice. I should have called in a witness - but didn't. Anyway - long story shortened. She worked days - husband worked nights. Husband came home early and found her in bedroom with neighbor. Question to me - Since she still had her panties on - would that be considered adultery under the UCMJ? I immediately advised her to see Area Defense Counsel. End Result - husband didn't press charges, they divorced and she eventually ended up as a MTI at Lackland.

I have to ask; was she hot?

20+Years
08-05-2013, 09:57 PM
I had a fun one once. I got sent pictures from the Shirt of the room of one of my female Amn during an dorm inspection. The picture was of her bed, more in particular the penthouses/hustlers/playboys on her bed. THAT was one of my shortest counseling sessions ever.

Me: "Ummmm. Put your porn up before you go to work."
Her: *Blush* Ok.

Shaken1976
08-05-2013, 11:47 PM
I had a fun one once. I got sent pictures from the Shirt of the room of one of my female Amn during an dorm inspection. The picture was of her bed, more in particular the penthouses/hustlers/playboys on her bed. THAT was one of my shortest counseling sessions ever.

Me: "Ummmm. Put your porn up before you go to work."
Her: *Blush* Ok.

Probably about like the guy who has plastic boobs of all shapes and sizes around his room. Wish I could have seen the look on his female supervisors face. I thought it was hilarious.

TJMAC77SP
08-06-2013, 11:58 AM
Not so much embarassing to me as to the Airman. Many years ago I was Sup't of my activity (had about 100 people assigned). One morning female A1C asks to talk me alone as she thought she might have done something the previous evening that could get her in trouble. Basically read her rights to her and told her if she told me about anything I could end up being a witness in whatever judicial/non-judicial proceedings might happen. She stated she didn't care - still wanted my advice. I should have called in a witness - but didn't. Anyway - long story shortened. She worked days - husband worked nights. Husband came home early and found her in bedroom with neighbor. Question to me - Since she still had her panties on - would that be considered adultery under the UCMJ? I immediately advised her to see Area Defense Counsel. End Result - husband didn't press charges, they divorced and she eventually ended up as a MTI at Lackland.

The last sentence completely makes this the best post on this thread………

TJMAC77SP
08-06-2013, 11:59 AM
I have to ask; was she hot?

A cop question if I have heard one :)

Absinthe Anecdote
08-06-2013, 01:54 PM
A cop question if I have heard one :)

I'm really hoping he says yes; it will make the story much more interesting.

TJMAC77SP
08-06-2013, 02:53 PM
I'm really hoping he says yes; it will make the story much more interesting.

Of course, every story is better when the female is hot.

20+Years
08-06-2013, 03:37 PM
Well here... the female with the playboys on her bed was "deployment hot". Stateside.....eh.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-06-2013, 03:43 PM
Well here... the female with the playboys on her bed was "deployment hot". Stateside.....eh.

Just lie and say she was hot!

71Fish
08-06-2013, 04:11 PM
Embarrassing for a few of us. When stationed in Germany, I went to a lot of biker rallies. We had a small party once at the Rhein Mein camping area. It was getting pretty late for most people except us who were at the bar on the grounds. Someone, maybe me but I don't recall, thought it would be a good idea to strip down to just our boots and ride our bikes around the campground and through the bar. Needless to say, that woke a lot of people up, and those people had cameras. I should mention also it was very cold that night, so those of us who stripped and later appeared on film were not very impressive that night in the manhood department.

20+Years
08-06-2013, 04:35 PM
Just lie and say she was hot!

Smoking hot! If you came within ten feet of her cubicle you would self-combust. And she left porn on her bed in the mornings...

ttribe
08-06-2013, 09:26 PM
Embarrassing for a few of us. When stationed in Germany, I went to a lot of biker rallies. We had a small party once at the Rhein Mein camping area. It was getting pretty late for most people except us who were at the bar on the grounds. Someone, maybe me but I don't recall, thought it would be a good idea to strip down to just our boots and ride our bikes around the campground and through the bar. Needless to say, that woke a lot of people up, and those people had cameras. I should mention also it was very cold that night, so those of us who stripped and later appeared on film were not very impressive that night in the manhood department.


Would have been something to get popped for DUI butt-nekked on a bike. I would have to have that Art-15 proffesionally framed.

Shaken1976
08-06-2013, 09:28 PM
Would have been something to get popped for DUI butt-nekked on a bike. I would have to have that Art-15 proffesionally framed.

That reminds me of the story of an officer coming through the gate drunk and naked and being serviced by whoever it was he picked up at the bar. I bet that was a fun one to explain

imported_chipotleboy
08-07-2013, 12:58 AM
That reminds me of the story of an officer coming through the gate drunk and naked and being serviced by whoever it was he picked up at the bar. I bet that was a fun one to explain

Must have been a Lt Col at Wright-Patt...

imported_chipotleboy
08-07-2013, 04:15 AM
Straying somewhat off topic into what would have been embarassing to a certain Chief. (Warning, a "Friend of a Friend" story...)

I was told by one of my former NCOs that he was really being raked over the coals by a Chief from headquarters who was a stickler for the rules for everybody but himself. The Chief was really making life hell for the field, but he forgot the rule that if you're going to be tough on others, you need to make sure you're exemplifying the standards. Well, the Chief should have been put on the Weight Management Program a long time before, it was obvious to everybody who looked at him and his horizontal belt buckle.

So one day, my former NCO mentions the apparent weight issue to our squadron shirt, who had his fill of the Chief at that point, and invited him to step on the scale. And lo and behold, the Chief was out of standards. The shirt called the headquarters squadron section, who had no choice under the AFR (yes, it was that long ago), and the Chief was recalled from the TDY. (The rules at the time said that enlisted members exceeded weight standards were not allowed to go TDY)

And I'm sure that was embarassing to the Chief in question.

loggie94
08-07-2013, 07:56 AM
I find this somewhat embarrassing:

After thinking about this for a few days, I realized that I probably did plenty of things, but I did them while I was "blacked out" drunk. You'd have to ask my old bar buddies the details.

Well, as has been established in other discussion threads... if you were "blacked out drunk" (which it is perfectly within your rights to do), you can't be held accountable for your decisions, therefor...you have nothing to be embarrassed about!

imported_chipotleboy
08-07-2013, 02:22 PM
I was young, single Captain, TDY with my team to a conference at our headquarters, located on a coastal base in Florida. We got lodging off base, and as I'm pulling into the hotel, I notice there is a gentlemen's club across the street. Later that evening, I decide to check out this establishment. As I go from the dark booth where I paid my entry fee, into the bright lights inside the club, i'm temporarily blinded. It was during that time I heard two of my NCOs yell out, "HEY CAPTAIN *****!!! OVER HERE!!!!"

With my cover obviously blown, I go over to sit next to my NCOs. Before I have a chance to do anything else, a dancer comes over to entertain me. In the time it took for me to cross the room, my NCOIC had already paid a dancer to take care of me. Now I'm in the ethical quandry of my NCOIC having bought me a lap dance. Only one way to resolve this: I slip $60 to the dancer, ask her to grab a friend and return the favor to my NCOIC. The dancer grabbed her lesbian lover and put on a show...I took the distraction as an opportunity to slip out of the club.

My NCOIC, who was described as a "stalled SSgt who will never live up to his talents" is about to retire as a Chief. I like to think that by putting up with a little embarassment that night, and responding to it with generosity, had something to do with reenergizing his career.

And I will never, ever forget the smile on his face as I exited the club...

Slyoldawg
08-08-2013, 04:04 AM
I was young, single Captain, TDY with my team to a conference at our headquarters, located on a coastal base in Florida. We got lodging off base, and as I'm pulling into the hotel, I notice there is a gentlemen's club across the street. Later that evening, I decide to check out this establishment. As I go from the dark booth where I paid my entry fee, into the bright lights inside the club, i'm temporarily blinded. It was during that time I heard two of my NCOs yell out, "HEY CAPTAIN *****!!! OVER HERE!!!!"

With my cover obviously blown, I go over to sit next to my NCOs. Before I have a chance to do anything else, a dancer comes over to entertain me. In the time it took for me to cross the room, my NCOIC had already paid a dancer to take care of me. Now I'm in the ethical quandry of my NCOIC having bought me a lap dance. Only one way to resolve this: I slip $60 to the dancer, ask her to grab a friend and return the favor to my NCOIC. The dancer grabbed her lesbian lover and put on a show...I took the distraction as an opportunity to slip out of the club.

My NCOIC, who was described as a "stalled SSgt who will never live up to his talents" is about to retire as a Chief. I like to think that by putting up with a little embarassment that night, and responding to it with generosity, had something to do with reenergizing his career.

And I will never, ever forget the smile on his face as I exited the club...

This one reminded me of something similar happening to a young Captain aircraft commander I flew many trips with in the seventies. Once we were assigned with a copilot and another FE to deadhead to Norton to pick up a Charleston C-141 that was down for maintenance. The four of us had flown many trips together and were all a close knit group. We flew commercial to LA but the plane was not ready so we went downtown to explore the city. The aircraft commander looked like he was in his teens and was carded at every bar went into. We never let him forget that.

That Captain went on to retire as a Colonel and became the Chief Pilot of Jet Blue. My other Flight Engineer, a close friend, came to me one day in August of 1974. The day before my birthday. I was scheduled for a South American run and for some reason he wanted to take that flight and asked me to swap trips with him. I did swap because my birthday was the day of the trip and my sweet thing wanted me to spend my birthday with her.

The C-141 with my buddy and his crew members hit the side of a mountain descending into La Paz in August 1974.

raider8169
08-08-2013, 12:38 PM
This one reminded me of something similar happening to a young Captain aircraft commander I flew many trips with in the seventies. Once we were assigned with a copilot and another FE to deadhead to Norton to pick up a Charleston C-141 that was down for maintenance. The four of us had flown many trips together and were all a close knit group. We flew commercial to LA but the plane was not ready so we went downtown to explore the city. The aircraft commander looked like he was in his teens and was carded at every bar went into. We never let him forget that.

That Captain went on to retire as a Colonel and became the Chief Pilot of Jet Blue. My other Flight Engineer, a close friend, came to me one day in August of 1974. The day before my birthday. I was scheduled for a South American run and for some reason he wanted to take that flight and asked me to swap trips with him. I did swap because my birthday was the day of the trip and my sweet thing wanted me to spend my birthday with her.

The C-141 with my buddy and his crew members hit the side of a mountain descending into La Paz in August 1974.

I was waiting for the embarrassing part. That wasn't embarrassing at all. Sorry to hear all that.

20+Years
08-08-2013, 02:24 PM
Ok, heres a laugh I'll give you at my expense.

When I was at my first duty station, living in the dorms, I had a group of close friends that were similar to the characters on American Pie. Unfortunately, I was the guy they deemed did not get enough action, and they were constantly trying to hook me up at parties or wherever. So my first birthday in the dorms rolls around and they take me out for the evening. The plans were to start off at a Mexican restaraunt. Of course, my buddies immediately dimed me out as the birthday boy and I ended up wearing a big sombraro, getting sung to, and some form of dessert. I am easily embarrassed, so this was quite an event for me.

On a side note, our waitress was hot! She was this petite little blond thing that kept grinning at me, and I was starting to get that "could be" feeling going. So she eventually comes over, starts chatting with us about who we are, what we do, and one of my friends tells her to grab a chair. She immediately just throws her arm around my shoulder and sits on my leg. Ok, I'm in heaven. This ones in the bag.

Fast forward a couple minutes, she goes off to attend a table, and my buddies gal pulls a gift out of her bag. Cool! Unfortunately this is where (in my memory at least) the entire event went into slow motion. Just as I am pulling the wrapping paper down the gift the waitress walks up behind me, places her hand on my shoulder and says, "What did you get"? As she had distracted me for a split second I look down and I'm holding (of course with clear plastic cover) a sex toy for men. Yup, a hairy cooter replica was staring us all in the face. I was absolutely horrified. I think I tried to throw it under the table, but it was way too late. My buddies were dying with laughter, falling out of chairs, crying... needless to say, the waitress disappeared, never saw her again.

Ahhhh... the good ole days.

raustin0017
08-08-2013, 10:02 PM
Was a primary loadmaster flying a USO Tour mission into SE Asia. At altitude in the back of a C-17. Had the fancy palletized seats for the USO Team. On board was Terry Bradshaw, Down Town Julie Brown, WWF wrestlers (Big Show, Steve Austin, etc...) and several other entertainers. Terry B had a NFL football and stated to play catch in the rear of the plane with one of the reporters. I was up front at the LM station. I stood up and he fired a ball and I caught it and tossed it back. Down Town Julie Brown was trying to sleep in the Blue seats. She stood up and Terry B tossed the ball back to me as she was yelling at him to stop throwing the ball. He was laughing and put his arms up for me to send it back his way. My toss hit her right in the back of the head....game over. I felt real bad but Terry B was and many others were just laughing their @ss off. Never did get her autograph?

Port Dawg
08-09-2013, 02:17 PM
2011....I'm servicing a MD-11 Canadian aircraft, I hook up the lavatory service hose....it's noisy, so I can't hear the clicking noise the ball bearings make when they lock in place, so I go by feel....the hose feels connected properly. I stand back, and my co-worker tells me to pull both handles....NEVER PULL BOTH HANDLES. The feces starts to come out and down into the hose, then SUDDENLY the hose snaps off, and the equivelant of 5 porta-podys empties out 4 feet from my face. Let me tell you, this smell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Flash forward to 5 months later, I thought my ABU rain jacket didn't have anything on it, it turns yellow.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-09-2013, 02:25 PM
2011....I'm servicing a MD-11 Canadian aircraft, I hook up the lavatory service hose....it's noisy, so I can't hear the clicking noise the ball bearings make when they lock in place, so I go by feel....the hose feels connected properly. I stand back, and my co-worker tells me to pull both handles....NEVER PULL BOTH HANDLES. The feces starts to come out and down into the hose, then SUDDENLY the hose snaps off, and the equivelant of 5 porta-podys empties out 4 feet from my face. Let me tell you, this smell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Flash forward to 5 months later, I thought my ABU rain jacket didn't have anything on it, it turns yellow.

Who cleaned that stuff up off the ramp? And how? I'm hoping that you got a fire truck to come out and just hose it away.

Port Dawg
08-09-2013, 02:27 PM
We brought out our water truck and blasted it with water until it was nothing but poo water.....it was even nastier b/c theres no blue juice in that type of aircraft.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-09-2013, 02:46 PM
We brought out our water truck and blasted it with water until it was nothing but poo water.....it was even nastier b/c theres no blue juice in that type of aircraft.

Great story but I was kind of hoping a CE troop would have came out and had to walk around in it for some reason. Maybe the next time you tell that story you can add a CE troop who comes out to the ramp with these tiny strips of litmus paper to test the acidity of the poo and ends up rolling around in it.

Oh! If you can add something about the entire CE Squadron being a bunch of drunks, that would be nice also. ;-)

TREYSLEDGE
08-09-2013, 03:50 PM
Great story but I was kind of hoping a CE troop would have came out and had to walk around in it for some reason. Maybe the next time you tell that story you can add a CE troop who comes out to the ramp with these tiny strips of litmus paper to test the acidity of the poo and ends up rolling around in it.

Oh! If you can add something about the entire CE Squadron being a bunch of drunks, that would be nice also. ;-)

Hey pal (hic) who are you calling (hic) drunks.

imported_chipotleboy
08-16-2013, 01:44 AM
Just thought of another one....

While stationed on the Florida coast, I met this really attractive, athletic, friendly young woman. She introduces herself to me and chats me up. It turns out she's my new next door neighbor. And to top it off, she's a massage therapist. She's tells me she's going to be giving massages at the local county fair and offers to give me a free massage if I come out there. I'm thinking, "I'm in!"

So I meet her at the county fair and she proceeds to give me the free massage. It was really good. I'm flirting with her saying things like, "the last time a woman made me feel this good, I took her out for breakfast!" And she flirts back at me. Over the next few weeks, we continue to chat, and talk about how we need to get together again some time.

Then a few weeks later, I come back from a week of leave and she catches me coming into my apartment and asks if we can talk. I invite her in and offer her a beer. We sit down, and she says, "You know, it's been a long time since I've been with a man."

I reply,"That's really surprising, because I think you're a very attractive woman...(silence)....(staring back)...(silence)... ohhhh!!!"

She ended up being a great wingman. She pointed out the ones that would have been a waste of time. And she had friends who were really good with tools.

Absinthe Anecdote
08-16-2013, 01:56 AM
Just thought of another one....

While stationed on the Florida coast, I met this really attractive, athletic, friendly young woman. She introduces herself to me and chats me up. It turns out she's my new next door neighbor. And to top it off, she's a massage therapist. She's tells me she's going to be giving massages at the local county fair and offers to give me a free massage if I come out there. I'm thinking, "I'm in!"

So I meet her at the county fair and she proceeds to give me the free massage. It was really good. I'm flirting with her saying things like, "the last time a woman made me feel this good, I took her out for breakfast!" And she flirts back at me. Over the next few weeks, we continue to chat, and talk about how we need to get together again some time.

Then a few weeks later, I come back from a week of leave and she catches me coming into my apartment and asks if we can talk. I invite her in and offer her a beer. We sit down, and she says, "You know, it's been a long time since I've been with a man."

I reply,"That's really surprising, because I think you're a very attractive woman...(silence)....(staring back)...(silence)... ohhhh!!!"

She ended up being a great wingman. She pointed out the ones that would have been a waste of time. And she had friends who were really good with tools.

Huh?

She was transgender or gay?

imported_chipotleboy
08-16-2013, 01:59 AM
Huh?

She was transgender or gay?

She was lesbian.