PDA

View Full Version : New girlfriend of an EOD man. Need advice



Leah3388
07-23-2013, 06:53 AM
I've never dated anyone in the military so this is all very new to me. I also don't know much about it. But here is the situation.
He is in the army and is an EOD Staff SGT. He is being deployed in September. He has been very helpful in explaining how things work. He's a very open man, and is preparing me for how hard this can be for both of us. I know it's not going to be easy and I'm prepared for that. He is doing very well with painting a picture of how this can be because this is his 4th deployment. I am willing to take this step with him as he is with me. I don't honestly know much about the army, and this is all very new to me. I am just trying to prepare myself and wanting to have support while he is gone. We have only been seeing each other for a short while, but seem to grow closer every day. We both want to give this a true chance, and I am just very nervous. I don't know what it is going to be like when he is gone. Although he has done his best to explain it to me, I wont truly know until the time comes. With him being an EOD it makes me more nervous to know how dangerous his job is. although he has been in the army for 10 years and is very experienced no situation is the same and that is what scares me the most. Has anyone else delt with similar situations? any advice would be greatly appreciated

Assaultdog0351
07-30-2013, 02:46 PM
Have you ever seen the movie hurt locker?

Leah3388
08-04-2013, 01:11 AM
Yes, he explained to me that the movie is overly dramatized. And although things can get intense it's not like that 24/7.

RobotChicken
08-04-2013, 01:42 AM
"Hey 'Leah'; just relax and not get your mind in an uproar, if you are going to freak out over his 'job' now then you are not going to in a position to support him later, we are not 'civilians' were the greatest risk is just driving to work! No matter how small of a part we all play in the scheme of things one thing is plane to all of us, is the fact that we ALL owe our lives to you! (and 300 million other Americans) My Brother lost 10+ classmates to accidents and warfare and all knew the risk. I've lost friends in opps, very easily could have been me. Be positive and don't dwell on the neg's cause it will drown you." RC.

Leah3388
08-07-2013, 11:11 PM
I am not freaking out over his job. I do support him very much now and will when he deploys. I have never dated anyone in the military and just don't know what to expect either way while he is gone. All I am looking for is advice and someone to talk to who understands or has been in similar situations because I don't know anyone who's dated a military man for one nor anyone who has been deployed. Thank you for your words, although I feel like you were being a bit negative toward me in the fact I am completely ignorant of what military life is like for a girlfriend of a deployed soldier.

imnohero
08-07-2013, 11:28 PM
Leah, most of us here are (or were) military. I'm not sure how many spouses or GFs are around. We might have some military-military couples around that could give you some advice/support.

I will admit you are in a tough situation, without a person "in the know" to talk to. Hopefully someone here can give you a hand.

Gonzo432
08-08-2013, 12:32 AM
I am not freaking out over his job. I do support him very much now and will when he deploys. I have never dated anyone in the military and just don't know what to expect either way while he is gone. All I am looking for is advice and someone to talk to who understands or has been in similar situations because I don't know anyone who's dated a military man for one nor anyone who has been deployed. Thank you for your words, although I feel like you were being a bit negative toward me in the fact I am completely ignorant of what military life is like for a girlfriend of a deployed soldier.

Leah, it may seem a bit overwhelming, but everyone in the military wasn't in the military before they joined the military:ponder:

We weren't given up by our parents at age 7, raised in a brutal structure and had to kill a helot to complete 11 years of Basic Training (that's the Spartans; Greek, not Michigan State.) After you figure out the acronyms (which everyone in the military uses, but keep in mind Navy and Marines speak a different language than Air Force and Army) it's all downhill from there. I guess I'm saying not to sweat the small stuff.

Leah3388
08-08-2013, 12:43 AM
Thank you for your response. I was directed to this forum by another person on here and they said it would be helpful. And thank you for recognizing my situation without knowing anyone with similar experience

imnohero
08-08-2013, 02:47 AM
Not the same thing but maybe you could look at a few blogs written by military wifes?

This one is an Army wives journal during her husbands 15 month deployment: http://fifteenmonths.blogspot.com/2008/02/my-top-8-tips-for-surviving-deployment.html
There might be some links to people or resources that could be helpful.

Leah3388
08-08-2013, 04:09 AM
Not the same thing but maybe you could look at a few blogs written by military wifes?

This one is an Army wives journal during her husbands 15 month deployment: http://fifteenmonths.blogspot.com/2008/02/my-top-8-tips-for-surviving-deployment.html
There might be some links to people or resources that could be helpful.

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice!

Juggs
08-08-2013, 11:41 AM
I was active duty for 11 yrs married to active duty, now I'm a spouse. I had a combat related job in the AF. I'm not saying you're freaking out, but if you're constantly thinking about it, it will drain you. He is enjoying it, so why don't you enjo it as well. My wife was initially worried about it, but then she saw how much fun I was having and the crew I was hanging out with and she began to realize, we viewed it as another job and loved it. Life is less stressful that way. That's not saying there won't be times you shouldn't be nervous, that's a no brainer.

drc100882
09-18-2013, 12:47 AM
I've never dated anyone in the military so this is all very new to me. I also don't know much about it. But here is the situation.
He is in the army and is an EOD Staff SGT. He is being deployed in September. He has been very helpful in explaining how things work. He's a very open man, and is preparing me for how hard this can be for both of us. I know it's not going to be easy and I'm prepared for that. He is doing very well with painting a picture of how this can be because this is his 4th deployment. I am willing to take this step with him as he is with me. I don't honestly know much about the army, and this is all very new to me. I am just trying to prepare myself and wanting to have support while he is gone. We have only been seeing each other for a short while, but seem to grow closer every day. We both want to give this a true chance, and I am just very nervous. I don't know what it is going to be like when he is gone. Although he has done his best to explain it to me, I wont truly know until the time comes. With him being an EOD it makes me more nervous to know how dangerous his job is. although he has been in the army for 10 years and is very experienced no situation is the same and that is what scares me the most. Has anyone else delt with similar situations? any advice would be greatly appreciated

Hellooooo..... So I'm super late with this response but I've been doing military wife type things. So here goes...

How long have you dated him? Just wondering. Your answer has no bearing on my answer.

You wrote "I don't know what it is going to be like when he is gone." So... you know when you guys are off doing your own things for a few days and don't really talk a whole lot? That's what it will be like. He'll call when he calls. He'll email when he emails. That's that. Don't ask, don't beg, don't cry, don't demand that he keep you informed of every single minute of his deployed life because that's just insane. He'll be in touch. And if he's not in touch, but he's on Facebook posting awesome photos, then you'll know he's not that interested. That's not harsh, that's real life.

Did he leave you with any people in his unit you can contact? Keep in mind you're a *girlfriend* not a *spouse* of this guy, so you're not *entitled* to information about him or his unit. But hanging out with the girls can be fun. I'd stay away from the ones that have more than one child or have been married for more than 5 years. I'd also avoid (like the plague) the super great spouses that ask you to babysit every Saturday night so she can get her kicks at the E-club. If he didn't introduce you to anyone (military or dependent) from his unit before he left, sorry chica... you're SOL. If he did, talk to them. They will either love or hate their life as a military dependent so choose your friends carefully.

Leah3388
09-18-2013, 02:41 AM
Hellooooo..... So I'm super late with this response but I've been doing military wife type things. So here goes...

How long have you dated him? Just wondering. Your answer has no bearing on my answer.

You wrote "I don't know what it is going to be like when he is gone." So... you know when you guys are off doing your own things for a few days and don't really talk a whole lot? That's what it will be like. He'll call when he calls. He'll email when he emails. That's that. Don't ask, don't beg, don't cry, don't demand that he keep you informed of every single minute of his deployed life because that's just insane. He'll be in touch. And if he's not in touch, but he's on Facebook posting awesome photos, then you'll know he's not that interested. That's not harsh, that's real life.

Did he leave you with any people in his unit you can contact? Keep in mind you're a *girlfriend* not a *spouse* of this guy, so you're not *entitled* to information about him or his unit. But hanging out with the girls can be fun. I'd stay away from the ones that have more than one child or have been married for more than 5 years. I'd also avoid (like the plague) the super great spouses that ask you to babysit every Saturday night so she can get her kicks at the E-club. If he didn't introduce you to anyone (military or dependent) from his unit before he left, sorry chica... you're SOL. If he did, talk to them. They will either love or hate their life as a military dependent so choose your friends carefully.

We've been dating for about 4months "officially" if you want to go by making it public. But we've been talking for sometime before that because he is from my home area but stationed elsewhere. He's been deployed for a few weeks and nothing has changed expect obviously we didn't talk much but every couple days at first because he didn't have an issued phone yet. But now that he does we talk everyday just as we did when he was back in the states. I think I was more concerned with being overly worried but it hasn't seemed to happen at all. I feel more assured by the way he is so happy and the relief in his voice when we can talk on the phone that makes things easy.
I don't ask about his deployment because one I know he can only say so much and two I know talking to me is sort of an escape from all the things going on there. When he does talk about it (what he can say) I listen and chime in as appropriate. And when he seems down about things I just reassure him that I am here for him and that I love him and that when it comes time to come home I will be here.
With his unit, he isn't "close" with anyone but his team which is there with him. I have contact with his family which is here in our home state, but other than that, that's all I have in regards to that question. I do have contact with his friends that are from other states but other that his family here that's what I got. Like I said the people he is closest to are with him overseas. And I do have contact with them as well, mostly in the sense they want cookies ASAP. Lol.
I think I was preparing for the worst before he left, and now that he is there and I know there will be times of hardship but it's not nearly what I thought it would be like. And Same for him he's said, the two others he has dated while overseas were crazy crying and begging,as you stated not to do before. I'm not that kinda of person to act as such. I was more nervous because I have never been in the situation before and it's so new and I didn't know how I would handle it. But everything seems to be going great considering if much rather him be home, but he loves what he does and I don't see how I couldn't support something he feels so strongly and passionate about.
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate your advice and will certainly keep that in mind if panic should arise.

fastaviationdata
09-18-2013, 06:44 AM
Just be the real you. If he loves you the way you are that's better.

Leah3388
09-19-2013, 12:42 AM
Just be the real you. If he loves you the way you are that's better.
Thank you for the advice. I have always been myself since the first time we met, maybe that's what makes things so easy and he has been the same. Neither of us have anytime to be something that were not, so we are very honest about everything.

drc100882
09-19-2013, 02:27 AM
[QUOTE=Leah3388;653938]And Same for him he's said, the two others he has dated while overseas were crazy crying and begging,as you stated not to do before. I'm not that kinda of person to act as such. I was more nervous because I have never been in the situation before and it's so new and I didn't know how I would handle it. But everything seems to be going great considering if much rather him be home, but he loves what he does and I don't see how I couldn't support something he feels so strongly and passionate about.[QUOTE]

And that's all you need. You've got a good grasp on this. I will tell you though, after 7 years and 6 deployments (I was also active duty)... the beginning is hard... then you're fine. The middle sucks...then you're fine. And that last month before he gets home is the longest possible month of your life and it WILL NEVER END... Then you're fine because he's home. That's the process for me at least. Right now I'm at the first "I'm fine" stage... the middle is coming up soon. You'll be fine if you carry on the way you are.

Leah3388
09-19-2013, 02:38 AM
And that's all you need. You've got a good grasp on this. I will tell you though, after 7 years and 6 deployments (I was also active duty)... the beginning is hard... then you're fine. The middle sucks...then you're fine. And that last month before he gets home is the longest possible month of your life and it WILL NEVER END... Then you're fine because he's home. That's the process for me at least. Right now I'm at the first "I'm fine" stage... the middle is coming up soon. You'll be fine if you carry on the way you are.

Thank you so much! It's nice to hear from someone with experience in these situations, that I have got the right mindset or outlook on the situation. I don't know anyone from here that I could confide in that could begin to understand. Thank you this really helps!
And good luck to you as well!

fastaviationdata
09-30-2013, 05:25 AM
Thank you for the advice. I have always been myself since the first time we met, maybe that's what makes things so easy and he has been the same. Neither of us have anytime to be something that were not, so we are very honest about everything.

That's nice! I think you love each other. Goodluck to your relationship and enjoy!